Dating is about connection and chemistry, not body size. However, many plus-sized women face negative dating experiences shaped by assumptions, misconceptions, and insecurities from their partners. Part of this is due to our world’s unrealistic beauty standards and what makes a woman desirable. When you’re dating a plus-size woman, you want to make her feel cherished but don’t want to make it all about her body. Here are nine things plus-size women wish their partners knew about dating them.

1. You shouldn’t assume she’s insecure

Just because she doesn’t fit society’s rigid beauty standards doesn’t mean she struggles with body image. Although some women do suffer from self-esteem issues, you shouldn’t automatically assume this just because a woman is bigger. Many plus-size women are confident and love their bodies. They don’t need to be constantly reassured unless they express to you that’s what they’re looking for.

2. Their body isn’t a problem to be fixed

While some plus-size people might be on weight loss journeys, many of them are perfectly happy with their bodies as they are. They want their partners to love them as they are rather than viewing them as a project to be fixed or changed. These women are not a “before” picture. They’re perfectly desirable as they are.

3. They don’t want to be hidden

Although plus-size women are gorgeous, some people are embarrassed to be seen publicly with them since they don’t fit society’s conventional beauty standards. As a result, they’ll treat the relationship like a secret. Many plus-size women wish that their partner would be proud to be seen with them in public, and want to meet their partner’s friends and family without fear of judgment. Don’t be afraid to show them off—there will always be haters, and they should always be ignored.

4. They don’t want to feel like a fetish

Some people on dating apps will treat dating a plus-size woman as a fetish. It can be difficult to differentiate people who are excited to date a woman who simply happens to be plus size versus someone who specifically seeks out a plus-size woman because they see it as a kink or fetish.

5. Attraction is more than size

Appreciate her for her personality, hair, eyes, and glowing skin. She’s not “beautiful for a plus-size girl”; she’s just beautiful! Plus-size women don’t want their partners to give them backhanded compliments. They want genuine flattering remarks that are nothing but positive. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all!

6. Communication is key in the bedroom

Positions and comfort matter in the bedroom for a plus-size woman. Some positions work better than others and will be more comfortable for her. By having open communication about this topic in a safe space, you can explore and have fun while ensuring everyone feels good.

7. Their health isn’t your business

Plus size doesn’t automatically mean someone is unhealthy. Don’t make assumptions about a woman’s exercise, diet, or overall health unless they bring it up specifically and decide to share it with you. Someone bigger can be healthy, just like someone thin can be unhealthy.

8. Shopping can be a frustrating process that requires support

Many women like to take their partners on shopping trips, but plus-size shopping is different. Finding trendy clothes in the right size can be challenging. So if you’re shopping with your plus-size partner and they take a little more time to pick out an outfit or find a brand that caters to their size, be as supportive as possible.

9. Be sensitive

This is an overall tip that applies to many of the points in this list. If you compliment a full-figured woman you’re dating, don’t mention her size. Highlight other features, her personality, and her values. Don’t compare her to other women. Have empathy and compassion—this is important to remember when dating any kind of woman!

10. They’re worthy of being treated like a queen

They deserve just as much pleasure, adventure, and romance. They deserve to be treated like royalty regardless of their size. And most importantly, respect. If you make sure to do all of the above, you’ll be worthy of their love, and they’ll certainly appreciate the extra effort.