It is easy to look upon happy, successful, long-term couples and refer to their relationship as ‘goals’.
But it’s actually difficult to imagine these couples getting to that place of real understanding and peaceful co-existence without having to go through some difficult conversations and uneasy discussions.
Your relationship will not only be about small talk, easy conversations and idle chit chat. It’ll sometimes be awkward and tough.
Having these talks is actually a prerequisite to complete understanding in relationships and marriages but approaching them has to be with the right intent and done in the right manner.
That is why the tips below are absolutely necessary.
1. Timing is everything
Imagine initiating a conversation that has the potential of being awkward or sensitive at a time when your partner is either irritable, unhappy or tired. It will most likely end in a worse situation rather than an agreeable conclusion.
If the conversations you choose to have with your partner would make sense, they have to be done at the right time.
2. Conversation not accusation
It is less confrontational to say: “I worry that you are often very drunk when we go out” than to say: “You drink too much and you are embarrassing me.”
The aim is to have a discussion not to throw allegations that defeat the purpose of everything.
3. One issue at a time
It is easy to digress from the issue at hand to something else but you have to concentrate and stay focused on the issue at hand rather than throwing back to issues of the past and other things that take your attention away from what birthed the conversation in the first instance.
If you are upset about one thing, resist the temptation to throw in additional minor issues or to refer to previous issues that have been resolved.
4. Remember, it’s not really about proving that you are right
The goal is to have a conversation and reach a compromise or any other working solution to the issue at hand. It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong.
What matters is that the two of you are working together to improve things. Also remember that the best and most creative solutions come from embracing different points of view – you want a solution that’s as inclusive of your joint opinions as possible.
5. Time of response
They don’t have to reply instantly if they can’t find the words. Don’t force it, don’t push it. It’s enough to let your partner know that you’d be fine with them taking time to respond if it means the conversation won’t devolve into a shouting match.
It’s OK to get a delayed response; so far there is a response within a reasonable amount of time.
