Christmas is almost here, and most of us are excited to spend the holidays with friends and family.
But this time can be a little daunting for many of us who have not been feeling good about ourselves for multiple reasons and don’t wish to be confronted about the same.
Questions regarding one’s insecurities or weaknesses can trigger anxiety or simply, make one feel inferior or less of a person.
While most of us are afraid to be on the receiving end of such uncomfortable questions, it is equally important to ensure that we are not on the other end, too.
Here are five questions that emotionally intelligent people do not ask.
1. Have you gained/ lost weight?
If you wish to comment on someone’s appearance then you should give it a miss because there are numerous better things to talk about, and mostly because how someone, even your friends, looks is none of your business. However, if you wish to ‘express concern’ about their weight, you should keep in mind that the weight of a person depends on countless factors and in a single day, it can fluctuate up to six pounds because of factors like dehydration, bloating or bowel function.
It is also dependent on illnesses and hormonal conditions that render people totally helpless, making them feel like they have no control over how they look. Instead of asking those about the reasons for a change in their weight, talk to them about better things which will help their self-esteem instead of making them question themselves.
2. How much money are you making these days?
Money is a vulnerable topic to touch anyway, and most people have different views about it. Even if you mean to ask them about their growth or progress with the purest of intentions, it is not advisable to ask someone how much they’re making. You can go with alternatives like ‘How is work going these days?’
3. When do you plan to have kids?
This is an extremely private matter that does not require anyone’s opinions or inquiries. It is a couple’s decision and depends upon multiple factors like consent, age, health conditions and finances. Instead of asking a couple about their family planning, it is better to refrain from any such questions.
4. Why aren’t you dating/married?
Emotionally intelligent people acknowledge the fact that people have different timelines and have different lives that do not always resonate with their intentions of doing things. Instead, ask them ‘Are there any new friendships that you have established lately?’ or ‘How are your relationships going?’
5. When are you getting a real job?
One of the most insensitive and hurtful things to say to a person is how little they have achieved in life and label what they do as ‘a pastime’ that makes them happy but isn’t worth anything. It is judgmental, rude and outright inappropriate to ask this question. If you wish to know about their career plans, ask questions that don’t pass judgements but actually express concern. You could go for ‘What projects are you working on?’ or ‘I’d like to know more about your work’
