1. Being a people-pleaser isn't helpful
Most people need a person in their life that they can be honest and share their soul with. However, you don’t want a yes-man in a relationship. The honesty you want from a partner is what you should give in return. They need someone to tell them when they have spinach in their teeth, that their shirt is on backward, or that their hat is ugly. People think that the only way to meet your partner’s needs is to be a people-pleaser, but that isn’t the same thing. In order to have a fulfilling relationship, you need to both make mistakes and grow together. If one of you is always protecting the other and defending them from change or influencing their behaviors, then they will stay the same. It’s well-meaning, but it isn’t helpful.
2. You'll wear yourself down
Trying to anticipate and meet a person’s every need is hard enough as it is. However, when you combine that with an inability to meet your own needs because you’ve elevated those of another person above yours, that’s tough. You can’t sustain that. It’s isn’t a relationship – it starts to become a chore.3. You start to resent them
It’s not their fault either. They didn’t ask for you to put their needs above their own. Well, if they did, they’re trash, but that’s a different matter altogether. Your body soon begins to realize that the reason it’s tired all the time is your partner. However, your partner should be a source of joy, not tedium. You should want to help and support them, but if you become their servant, then it’s no longer an act of love and a pleasant surprise when you look after them. Small gestures are expected, but servitude changes the dynamic, and then your partner comes to expect that level of support, and neither of you is independent anymore.4. You forget what your version of self-care is
Sometimes you spend so long with a person that you become like them. We all have a bit of chameleon in us. That’s why we like our partners, after all – we think they’re cool. However, when you adopt all their habits and opinions, you might risk forgetting what you enjoy. The ways that you pass time. Don’t tend to their feelings so much that you neglect your own.5. You become them
No. I know that we’re all a collage of the people we’ve met – but that’s more subtle. It’s a compliment, and it’s natural. However, when you start dressing the same, cutting your hair together, and aligning your lives so intimately, even though your needs aren’t being met, it’s a gesture of intimacy that doesn’t ring quite true. Part of being in a relationship is valuing your differences and appreciating each other, not just keeping your personality under lock and key because you’re secretly afraid it might not be good enough.
