Forgiveness great for one’s self-confidence and self-esteem. Practicing forgiveness can also improve the quality of your intimate relationships.
So, does forgiving mean forgetting? Here’s the important note: forgiving is not forgetting. Yes, that’s right.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. The act of forgiveness is more about letting go of your anger, sadness, disappointments, and frustration.
Forgetting, on the other hand, is extremely difficult to do. It also isn’t necessarily healthy. It is pretty close to impossible to forget and forgive.
Why? Because people’s (hurtful) behaviors and actions are significant episodes that we store as memories.
And not being able to forget these significant episodes or encounters with people is quite advantageous.
Follow the four tips mentioned below to forgive but not forget in a relationship:
1. It is essential to separate an individual from their (hurtful) action/behavior
The first thing you can consider understanding and slowly accepting is that it is rare to find fundamentally “good” or “bad” people. People can engage in bad behaviors or act in ways that can make you feel hurt or angry.
Once an individual can be clearly separated from their incorrect actions, it can become easier to forgive that person.
2. Understand their intentions
Every individual uses coping and defense mechanisms to function in life and deal with life’s difficulties. The best way to explain one’s behavior is by identifying the reason behind it.
People who say or do hurtful or mean things are usually doing it because they’re attempting to compensate for the pain or insecurities that they feel within.
3. Empathizing with the one you want to forgive is essential
To forgive but not forget, it is important to empathize with the person you want to forgive in a relationship. Empathy is entirely different from sympathy. When you empathize, you attempt to identify the feelings and thoughts of the person you want to forgive.
When you can identify the thoughts and feelings of the person you want to forgive, it’ll be easier for you to separate the action from the individual.
4. Establishing healthy boundaries for yourself
This is a core aspect of the concept of forgiving but never forgetting. After empathizing, you’ll be in an excellent position to determine what kind of boundaries or rules you want to have in place.
Decide on the rules that’ll play a significant role in governing the relationship between you and the one who has been forgiven.
