When looking for love, it’s normal to have an idea of how you envision your partner and future relationship to be. But, at what point does the checklist become detrimental to your quest for love?
Unrealistic expectations are a common barrier that stop people from achieving dating success and most of the time people aren’t aware that they are doing it – until it’s pointed out to them.
Here we explore some of the main reasons that stop relationships from developing into a successful long-term connection, and why it’s important to take a more laid-back approach in your dating journey.
1. Comparing your date to previous dates or relationships
Try to remember that everyone is unique, with their own set of experiences and beliefs. Instead of comparing and focusing on the parts that don’t match up to your past partners, it’s important to try to pay attention to the person’s positive qualities. After all, an ex is an ex for a reason and who knows those differences could be the qualities that you’ve been missing and the answer in your search for that perfect partner for you.
2. Only dating your usual ‘type’
With the huge array of dating apps and websites at your disposal that allow filtering by personal and physical traits, being selective has never been easier. However, restricting your preferences could stop you meeting that perfect partner – you simply don’t know who you are going to connect with. Dating a certain ‘type’ can be very limiting and realistically if it hasn’t worked before what makes you think it will work now? Try to stay open-minded and give people a chance.
3. Expecting your date to make the arrangements and pay for everything
Traditionally, the man would ask a girl out, plan their first date and pick up the tab. However, when it comes to who should pay, it can be an awkward moment – especially if you’ve not discussed it beforehand. Usually, whoever invited the other person out and chose the venue should pay for the date. However, if the date and location was a mutual decision, it’s always good to split the bill. We’re not in the dark ages anymore, so as a rule of thumb always offer to pay half and be genuine about your offer.
4. Expecting too much from the relationship
Having expectations about how your relationship should develop or how your partner should treat you is a good thing. However, expecting much more than the other person is ready or prepared to give can lead to you feeling needy, disappointed and alone. For instance, you may want to spend every spare moment with your significant other or you may always expect them to plan your next date night. Whatever your expectations, if you’re finding yourself feeling let down and unfulfilled, try to have a conversation about how you both feel and remember that everyone’s needs and expectations in a relationship are different.
5. Expecting things to move faster or slower in a new relationship
Many people struggle to find the right speed in a relationship and question if they’re moving too fast or too slow. There’s no perfect speed with which to move forward in a relationship but if you’ve already created your wedding pinterest boa after date two, you may want to slow down a bit. Again, communication is key here. You may find that you have different expectations on how quickly your relationship should develop but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not a good match. Ensure that you and your date are on the same page and take the time to discuss expectations.
