Yes, we know we told you that you should feel free to talk about anything with your spouse, but there are some words, complaints, or sentences that should never come out of your mouth even when you’re upset or angry.
These harmful words cannot be unsaid and will only do damage to your marriage.
It will also hurt your spouse’s feelings and potentially break the foundation on which your marriage is built.
Think before you speak because your words will either make or break your marriage, so remember not to say these things to your spouse:
1. Something about regretting your marriage
When you’re busy with household chores, while your single friends are out partying you might say something like “I wish I was single”, or when your spouse fails at meeting a certain expectation of yours, you’d say “I wish I never married you” at him. Expressing wishes of being single or regret in marrying your spouse will make him feel like a failure in this marriage. It’s hurtful and counterproductive, because even in bad times you should stick to your commitment to your spouse instead of thinking about how you would feel better off without him.
2. Something that compares your spouse and marriage to others
The grass is usually greener on the other side, so you might be tempted to compare your spouse or your marriage to other people’s by saying something like, “my friend took her wife to Paris for their anniversary, that must’ve been nice,”“, or “why can’t you be more like her husband? He always helps around the house.” The thing is, every marriage has its own ups and downs and there is no perfect marriage. The couple that seems like they have everything might also encounter marital problems once in a while. So, stop focusing on other people’s life and work on your relationship with your spouse so that the two of you try your best to meet each other’s expectations.
3. Insults to their family or friends
No matter how annoying you think your husband’s family or friends are, never throw shades or say something insulting in front of him. So, hold your tongue before you say something like, “how can you be friends with John? He’s a slob!” or “I’m not going to this partyfamily gathering, I can’t stand your mother.” If you have any problems with his relatives, explain the reason behind it and hopefully he would understand why you’re feeling a certain way about them., and even help you solve that problem. That way, you can avoid those awkward moments like when the person overhears what you’re saying or forcing your spouse to take sides.
4. Mentioning former lovers
If the topic about exes is uncomfortable enough to discuss, imagine how hurtful it would be if you actually compare your spouse to your former lovers. Do not ever say things like, “my ex used to buy me flowers every month” or “when I dated him, he would do this stuff for me,” because it’s simply upsetting and unkind. Concentrate on your current relationship and leave your former lovers out of the equation. Instead of throwing comparisons, be constructive and say, “it would be great if you could help me with this stuff.”
5. Belittling their hobbies or career
Married couples should respect their spouse unconditionally and saying offensive stuff about things they’re proud of, like their hobbies or career, will only make them feel emasculated. It might seem trivial to you, but your spouse’s personal interest or career are a big part of his identity. So, attacking those two aspects in his life might sound like an offense to his whole individuality as well. Try to look at those things in his perspective and you might understand the love and passion behind it. Be supportive and give constructive criticism on the parts where you think he can improve.
6. Things that make him feel stupid
He may not be a pro in the kitchen, likes to give silly ideas or sometimes forgets where he left the keys, but you don’t need to be overly critical to the point of making him feel dumb. Sentences like, “how can you fail at this? Use your brain!”, “this is all your fault”, or a simple “that’s a stupid idea”, are mean and unproductive, it can also affect or lower his self-esteem. Rather than scolding him, share the knowledge or find solutions together. In some areas, he might teach you to do things he’s better at for a change.
7. The ‘D’ word
Once you throw the divorce card in an argument or during a fight with your husband, you can’t take it back. It will always haunt your marriage, filling it with doubts, insecurities and suspicions. This unforgettable word should not be easily mentioned even if it’s just an idle threat. It shows lack of commitment and faith in preserving your marriage in the long run. So, unless it involves abuse or more serious offense, try to work through the challenges together and stick with your promise to be there in better or worse.
