There are hundreds of tips for making a marriage last from people who have made it work and also from those who wish they could have.
But the one thing you’ll hear time and time again is that intimacy in marriage is crucial. And it’s not just sexual intimacy, either.
Being close emotionally is even more important than having a healthy sex life.
You need to bond and maintain a close connection all throughout your marriage.
If you don’t, it’ll be really hard to make your love last through all the hardships marriage brings.
Listed below are 7 reasons why intimacy in marriage fades over time:
1. Neglect
As we just said, a lot of people think that a marriage can just run on autopilot by itself without any effort from either partner. Many people’s attitude is, “Ahhhhh! I’m finally married! Now I can just be myself and don’t have to impress my spouse anymore.”
But this is exactly what gets you into trouble. Think of it this way. If you have a house plant and you don’t water it and give it attention, it will wither away and die, right? Well, marriages are no different. If you neglect your partner and stop putting in the effort, the intimacy in the marriage will die too.
2. Addictions
Addictions come in many forms. Most people think of alcohol or drug addictions when they hear that word. And those are definitely huge problems. But a person can literally get addicted to anything.
They could be addicted to video games, porn, shopping, work, social media, or anything else. The point is that if they are obsessed with something else other than their spouse, then they are turning their attention away from the marriage.
And when that happens, it’s inevitable that it will kill the intimacy in the marriage.
3. Children
Let’s face it – children are all cute and cuddly, but they are a lot of work! You have to tend to their needs 24/7, and that can be overwhelming for a lot of parents. While they think it is worth it no doubt, it does put a lot of stress on a marriage.
When parents are running around after their children taking care of them all the time, they get tired and exhausted. It leaves little time to talk to your spouse, go out on dates, and have sex. So, while having little ones run around the house is great, it can really take a toll on the intimacy in your marriage.
4. Affairs
Affairs can come in a lot of different forms. We usually think of having sex with someone who isn’t your spouse as cheating – which it is. But there are many other kinds of cheating too.
From emotional cheating to micro-cheating, there are a lot of different ways that people can be unfaithful to their spouses these days.
When one or both of the spouses are having an affair of any kind, again, it is turning outside of the marriage. This is a form of betrayal to your partner. And of course, both emotional and physical intimacy would subside as a result of the cheating.
5. Selfishness
A healthy relationship is a balanced relationship. Both partners need to put the other person’s needs and desires at least equal to – if not before – their own. So, when one or both people are selfish and constantly want to get their way with subtle manipulation, then it’s almost impossible to have intimacy in a marriage.
The problem is that the selfish person sometimes doesn’t even know that they are being selfish. And even if their spouse points it out to them, they still might not agree or acknowledge that it’s true.
But when selfishness continues in a marriage, then resentment will build over time.
6. Conflict
Every couple will have conflict – it’s just inevitable. But it’s not the conflict in and of itself that is the problem, but rather how the two people handle the conflict that eats away at intimacy.
For example, if you both feel like you are competing with each other to “win” an argument, then you can’t feel very close to your partner because you feel like they are your “enemy.”
But if you want to have more intimacy in your marriage, then you will have to adopt much healthier ways of dealing with your problems. Seeing yourself as a team and reaching solutions together in a calm, rational manner will create a stronger bond.
7. Routines
Life isn’t always unicorns and rainbows. We have work, children, cooking, and laundry to do. So, it’s normal for marriages to fall into the routines of life. You have to or else your lives won’t function very well, right?
But some people get really bored with the routines and crave something else. So, instead of thinking of new and creative ways to make your marriage more exciting, sometimes people just stay bored.
Or, they turn outside their marriage to affairs or addictions to spice up their lives. Of course, this does nothing but kill the intimacy in the marriage even more.
