The best advice that anyone can give you, if you’re regretting a breakup, is that silence is the most powerful thing there is.
And after a breakup, that’s pretty much the hardest thing to do. All you want to do is start talking to that familiar person again and get in that comfort zone when you miss them.
You want that heartbreak to come to an end, and you want to experience love and being loved once more.
However, silence is a serious power move because it doesn’t have to do with making plays to get bae back — it has to do with taking back your control.
When you’ve been hurt by someone, you can feel like you’re spiraling and out of control of the situation.
But when you harness that control properly, you become the center of your own universe — not the person who hurt or betrayed you.
And ignoring them might just help you realize that your ex’s opinion doesn’t actually matter, and your happiness is independent of their validation.
Here are all the reasons why giving ex-bae the silent treatment is effective — here’s why.
1. Give yourself permission to grieve
Trying to move on too fast never works. Even if you’re relieved to be out of a relationship, you should still feel all the feelings rather than stuffing them down into a box. Experience all those symptoms of heartbreak and deal with them as they come. If you repress negative emotions, it makes it harder to let go and leave them behind. Going through all your grief stages will help you heal better in the future. Try not to give in to self-destructive behavior, and remember that time heals all. At some point, you’ll start looking forward to the future rather than regretting the past.
2. Don’t mope for too long
While it’s totally understandable to want to wallow in our own sadness, moping for too long can just add to the hurt. Rather than running away from your feelings, face them and remember that your support system plays a big role in this process. Instead of isolating yourself, go to your loved ones. They’ll keep you accountable and help you up when you’re at your lowest point, as well as stopping you from falling into the self-pity spiral too much.
3. Choose yourself
Accepting yourself is key to this process. If your ex only wants you back because they can’t have you that’s the wrong person to be with anyway. By cutting them off, you’re prioritizing yourself and preventing yourself from getting hurt in the future. Rather than giving in to temptation, choose yourself! Your long-term happiness means way more than their frivolous whims and changing opinions. This is a great time to practice self-love and embrace all aspects of yourself. It also means that you can be part of your support system. By choosing yourself, you can also forgive yourself and learn from the breakup without judgment.
4. Work on self-improvement
If you’ve healed from some of your heartbreak but not all of it, you can begin by forgiving your ex, even if they’ve treated you poorly. Letting go of grudges and resentment can really lift a burden off the soul. Remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean taking them back. Next, focus on your mental health — some people find that journaling is effective in building self-awareness and getting insight after a relationship ends.
5. Take all the time you need
There’s no window that you should ignore an ex — if you need to ignore them forever to take care of yourself, do it! Don’t rush yourself or try to convince yourself of anything that’s not true. Going at your own pace is key, and rushing your recovery can actually cause you to give into your weakness and succumb to your desire to contact your ex.
6. Work on setting boundaries
Since silence puts you in control, it also allows you to be the one who decides what happens with your ex, moving forward. Setting boundaries is key in the breakup process because it ensures you won’t make a lapse in judgment and sleep with them or take them back too soon, preventing your own process of healing. Boundaries can come in many forms, whether they’re mental, physical or emotional. If you’ve gotten past the major pain and are figuring out whether you want to be friends with an ex, boundaries can help you in that process rather than falling back into the lovers category.
7. If getting back together, change is necessary
By definition, doing the same thing and expecting something different is insanity. If you decide to take them back, be sure to solve potential problems and don’t just go back to the relationship as though everything is the same. Remember, breakups are painful, and going through one for a second time can feel soul-shattering. And sometimes, unsolvable problems can come in the form of different values, infidelity problems, or toxic behavior. In this case, it’s best to move on to a healthier relationship. However, if you can solve this problem and your partner is willing to put in the work to change, a healthy relationship might still be possible.
