Have you ever considered the idea that someone has been using you as a backup partner?
If your partner is keeping you on standby while considering other options, it can be extremely infuriating.
Such a relationship can turn very toxic and hurtful especially if you are the one who is emotionally invested, not your partner.
Not being the first choice can be a huge wound to your self-respect and emotions.
The quickest and best way to deal with a standby relationship is to identify if you are in one. Here are some noticeable signs that you are a backup partner for someone.
1. Certain boundaries
If your partner is adamant about following certain boundaries in the relationship, then something is wrong. These boundaries can be about not calling them whenever you want, not getting introduced to their friends, not posting any pictures on social media together, etc. This situation may feel like your partner is the only one who is trying to determine the relationship.
2. No exclusivity in the relationship
You both may hang out together, have lunch, buy each other romantic gifts and do every other thing that any normal couple does, but when it comes to defining the relationship, your partner takes a step back. They refrain from defining or making the relationship exclusive and they will also try every possible way to avoid such conversations.
3. Changes in intimacy pattern
Your partner will either try avoiding any physical intimate moments or will only indulge in a physical relationship, in case they are considering you as a backup. If your partner is shy, they will not engage in physical intimacy at all. And if your partner is confident and only engages in physical intimacy, then they aren’t emotionally invested in you.
4. Distracted at all times
You will find your partner to be distracted at all times, especially when they are with you. If they brush it off by giving excuses about work pressure or other problems, then chances are high that they are thinking about someone else. The key to understanding the truth is by noticing the frequency of their distraction. If they’re always distracted, then they are hardly interested in you.
5. Unavailability
Their standard excuse of being unavailable most of the time is “I am busy.” They will hardly put any effort in taking out time for you because they are totally invested in their own life. They won’t even have time for you on weekends or holidays because they are probably busy hanging out with friends or someone else. You don’t even feature on their priority list.
6. You can’t move on
Even though your partner may seem least interested in being emotionally available to you, they can’t bear the thought of you moving on from them. They will always find ways to get you back with them, even if they’re adamant about keeping the relationship hidden from others. Your lover may even try to be overprotective and jealous if you decide to move on from their antics.
