If you want to be taken seriously, stop saying sorry too often

Do you have this habit of apologising too often and for situations you have no control over? If you just said “Sorry! I do that often”, you need to control this involuntary verbal tic.

According to a study, an average person says ‘sorry’ around eight times a day. In fact, one in eight people apologises almost twenty times a day for things he might or might not even be responsible for.

Experts believe that this habit of over apologising can actually do more harm than good. People who say sorry too often face the risk of not being taken seriously both at the workplace and home.

Sociologist, professor and author Maja Jovanovic during her TEDx talk said that if saying sorry has become a habit, people should stop that. If used appropriately, apologies can heal wounds and strengthen relationships but at the same time, over apologising can be a sign of lack of confidence. “If you’re beginning and ending every sentence with, ‘Sorry about that,’ ‘Sorry, is this a good time?’ ‘Sorry, can I come in?’ ‘Sorry, can I speak?’, don’t be surprised if there’s nothing left of your confidence at the end of the day, because you’ve given it away with every needless, useless apology,” said Jovanovic during her TEDx talk.

Research has shown that saying sorry too often can give the impression that the person lacks confidence, thereby people around him would stop taking him seriously. Also, when every sentence starts with sorry, it weakens the message the person is trying to convey. So, what is the best way to break this habit of over apologising?

First, you need to figure out things that make you apologise the most. So, before you start working on changing this habit, write down ten things that make you say ‘sorry’ more than once a day. Do you mostly apologise to your colleagues? Or, you tend to do that more in front of your family? Once you figure it out, focus on eliminating your long list of ‘sorry’ slowly.

You will be surprised to see how you can replace ‘sorry’ with ‘thank you’ and ‘excuse me’. For example, if you feel sorry for bothering a friend with your story of trouble, how would you otherwise start the conversation? Perhaps you would say, “Sorry for bothering you but I really need to tell you my sob story.” But instead of that what you can say is, “Thank you for agreeing to listen to my story.” Isn’t it simple? Similarly, when you bump into anyone and instead of blurting out a hurried ‘sorry’, you can just say ‘excuse me’ and get away with it!

A lot of times people who have the habit of over apologising might end up saying ‘sorry’ even without realising it. So how do you stop doing something that you are not even aware of? This is when practising mindfulness can come to your rescue. Take a deep breath and count from one to ten whenever you feel like apologising for anything you are not responsible for. Concentrate on your breathing and pay close attention to what is going around you. Doing this would help you distract your mind and the impulse to apologise would also fade gradually.

Don’t expect yourself to get rid of this habit overnight. Initially, it might be very frustrating to catch yourself apologising for the smallest of things, a habit that you were not aware of earlier. Keep a count of how many times you say ‘sorry’ in a day. Now try to eliminate one ‘sorry’ at a time. It might take you months or even years to reach a stage where you would say ‘sorry’ only when required.