If you find yourself repeatedly in the role of the “side chick” in relationships, it might be time to reflect on the patterns and choices that contribute to this situation.
Here are some possible reasons and what you can do about them:
1. Attraction to unavailable people
Sometimes, the allure of someone who is already committed elsewhere might be a pattern in your relationships.
This could stem from a subconscious belief that you don’t deserve someone fully available to you, or it could be driven by the excitement and secrecy that these situations often entail.
What to do: Reflect on why you might be drawn to unavailable people. Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can help you explore these patterns and work on building self-esteem.
2. Lack of clear communication
In some cases, not communicating your expectations and desires at the beginning of a relationship can lead to misunderstandings about the nature of the relationship.
If you’re not upfront about wanting a committed, exclusive relationship, the other person might assume you’re okay with a more casual setup.
What to do: Be clear about your relationship goals early on. Discuss exclusivity and commitment to ensure both parties have similar expectations.
3. Ignoring red flags
Ignoring early signs that someone is not willing to commit fully can lead you to become the side chick. This might include them being secretive about their life, inconsistent in communication, or reluctant to make future plans with you.
What to do: Pay attention to red flags and trust your instincts. If something feels off, it’s worth bringing it up in conversation or reevaluating the relationship.
4. Fear of being alone
Sometimes, settling for being the side chick might be influenced by a fear of loneliness. The thought of not having someone, even if it’s not the ideal situation, can seem better than being alone.
What to do: Work on building a fulfilling life outside of relationships. Cultivate friendships, hobbies, and interests that make you happy and build your self-worth independent of romantic relationships.
5. Low self-esteem
Low self-esteem might lead you to believe that you don’t deserve a full, committed relationship. This can make you more susceptible to accepting less than you actually want or need.
What to do: Focus on self-love and improving your self-esteem. Activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, meditation, and spending time in nature, can be beneficial. Consider seeking professional help to build a healthier self-image.
6. Being comfortable with familiar patterns
If you’ve been the side chick before, the familiarity of the role might make it easier to slip into the same pattern in subsequent relationships, even if it’s unfulfilling.
What to do: Recognize the pattern and make a conscious decision to change it. This might involve taking a break from dating to understand what you really want out of a relationship.
Ending up as the side chick in multiple relationships can be a sign of underlying issues with self-worth, communication, and relationship choices. By addressing these areas, you can begin to break the cycle and move toward healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
