7 things to stop romanticising in love and relationships

In today’s time, the understanding of love and relationships is immensely influenced by media, movies, and peer pressure, which often creates an idealized picture of love. Old literature also plays an important role in shaping this perception.

Romantic movies and literature like “Romeo and Juliet” are perfect examples of this so-called “perfect” love. They depict and even promote concepts like love at first sight, grand gestures of love, and happily ever after.

This depiction of love is not real and it creates highly unrealistic hopes and expectations which can lead to misunderstandings and problems between couples.

Love at first sight is an immensely romanticised and fantasised concept, which means feeling a strong connection or attraction towards someone when you meet them for the first time or in the initial stages. In reality, it’s not possible to fall in love with someone without getting to know them on a deeper level, and it takes time to develop love for a person. People often misinterpret this attraction as love and it can be harmful in many ways like people might rush into relationships based on this strong feeling of attraction. Over time, when you get to know the person on a deeper level and the initial attraction starts to fade, many problems, fights and triggering points can start to arise in relationships. It is important to first develop a connection with a person and get to know them on a deeper level, and then decide to enter into a relationship.

Love bombing refers to a concept where a person feeds you an extreme amount of love, attention, and affection in a short period of time, mainly at the initial stages of a relationship. They may give you excessive compliments and gifts, constant and overwhelming levels of communication, which makes you feel deeply loved and desired. A person who is love bombing might be doing it intentionally or even unintentionally, but it could lead to harmful results. Love bombing behaviour is not as genuine as it seems, and after some time, when you fully trust them and have fallen in love, or when they fulfil their needs or motives, their behaviour could immensely change to cold and distant behaviour. This can be really manipulative and can hurt and confuse you on a deep level when they suddenly start to withdraw and treat you differently. It can damage your confidence, emotional, and even physical and well-being. Therefore, it is important to take things slow in relationships and don’t romanticise such behaviour.

“Sacrificing in the name of love” is another romanticised concept heavily promoted in movies and literature. Sacrificing means giving up something important for the sake of the relationship. Compromising or sacrificing a little, like adjusting your work schedule or skipping a day out with your friends to be there for them can be good for a healthy relationship when both partners are equally putting in effort. But extreme sacrifices that make you compromise your happiness or career, like giving up your dream career for love, shouldn’t be accepted or promoted. These extreme expectations can be harmful for both partners and lead to damage and resentment. Instead, you both can talk and find a solution beneficial for both partners without making such a sacrifice.

Romanticising or thinking of drama, arguments, and fights as something normal is not a sign of a healthy relationship. A healthy and loving relationship should feel fun, calming, comforting, kind, and secure. Extreme and continuous highs and lows can be signs of a toxic and unhealthy relationship, not a passionate one. Little disagreements, arguments, and even fights between a couple are normal and even signs of a healthy relationship, but not constantly. Another thing is to see how your partner treats you when you guys are in a fight. It is immensely important to treat each other with kindness, empathy and respect no matter what the situation is. Supporting each other, trusting, communicating openly, and putting an effort to solve arguments together as a team is what makes you create a long-lasting and happy relationship.

Jealousy is often interpreted as a sign of immense love, but in reality, it is extremely unhealthy and toxic and may lead to serious emotional damage. When a person feels jealous, they might be feeling insecure about the relationship or maybe worried about someone else taking away their partner. Over time, extreme jealousy and possessiveness can lead to the destruction of the relationship by making the other person feel suffocated, controlled, stressed, and forced into a relationship. Making your partner cut off with a friend, or not letting them hang out with anyone but you, are common signs of jealousy and insecurity. They may seem small, but over time, it may lead to extreme levels of frustration, resentment, and anger towards their partner.

The concept of having one true soulmate sounds immensely romantic, but when thought about on a deeper level, it is not realistic. A person, at the start of a relationship, maybe on their best behaviour and the real personality of a person is revealed over time. As the relationship gets older, that feeling of excitement and newness, also called the “honeymoon phase” fades, and sometimes leads to a decrease in attraction. Over time and with changes in various circumstances, a person might even fall out of love. At this point, just forcing you or your partner to stay together might make things more complicated and stressful for both people. Sometimes, it is better to accept that this person was not for you and move on, instead of holding on to them just for the sake of the romanticised version of the relationship you have created in your mind or the attachment you feel towards them. It is important to believe that you will eventually find a person who is right for you, and accept the reality.

Thinking and believing that you can “fix” a person through loving them or putting effort for them, in the hope that they will change or become the person you have romanticised in your head instead of seeing how they are in reality, can put you in big problems which may lead to extreme emotions of disappointment, mental confusion, and emotional pain. You cannot expect a person to change according to your expectations, happiness, or love, when in reality, they are causing you stress, emotional pain, or negatively affecting your emotions and feelings. It is important to accept how a person is, and if it doesn’t fit right according to you, it is better to move on instead of waiting around in false hopes.