Fights and arguments often occur in relationships due to differences in opinions, misunderstandings, or disagreements.


People express their feelings and frustrations in various ways during arguments, ranging from avoidance and ignoring the issue to blaming, defending, and over-explaining.

It’s important to understand how your partner expresses themselves during conflicts to gain a better understanding of them and have a stronger relationship with them.

So here we explore six of the most common fight languages observed in relationships.

1. Mind reading

Mind reading is a common communication issue often seen in relationships, especially with anxious people or overthinkers. It happens when someone assumes they know what their partner is thinking or feeling without actually asking them. This can cause serious misunderstandings and lead to resentment, frustration, and anxiety because of the lack of open communication. It’s an unhealthy situation that can cause severe problems in a relationship.

2. ​Overgeneralization

Overgeneralization is a behaviour where someone exaggerates small issues, using them as a way to blame their partner based on their personality or specific circumstances. They don’t consider the full situation or their partner’s perspective and use statements like “you always” or “you never” to argue their point. For instance, if their partner forgets a special occasion once due to a busy work schedule, they might say “you always forget important events.” This makes their partner feel unappreciated and unfairly criticized, ignoring all the times they’ve contributed to the relationship. It leads to frustration, anger, and feeling misunderstood.

3. Passive-aggressiveness

Passive-aggressive behaviour in a relationship happens when someone feels frustrated or resentful but doesn’t express it openly and honestly. Instead of having a healthy conversation about their feelings, they might act in ways like sarcasm, giving their partner the silent treatment, or behaving coldly. They may also deny being upset when asked directly, saying things like “nothing’s wrong” or “I’m fine.” This lack of clear communication can leave their partner feeling confused, frustrated, sad, or anxious. It creates unresolved issues and tension in the relationship, making it negative and unhealthy.

4. ​Stonewalling

Stonewalling is a common fight language during arguments where one person disengages from the conversation and emotionally shuts down. They might refuse to talk about the issue, give short and unresponsive answers, or even walk away from the discussion. This leaves their partner feeling frustrated, ignored, and unimportant because they can’t have a meaningful conversation or resolve the conflict. It’s like being left in the dark without any chance to understand each other or find a solution.

5. ​Blame-shifting

Blame-shifting is when one partner avoids accepting their mistakes or taking responsibility for their actions. Instead of acknowledging what they did wrong, they blame the other person and make them feel guilty. They refuse to see how their own actions might have caused the fight and keep blaming their partner. This keeps the argument going in circles and makes both people feel upset and angry, with no effective solutions to the problems.

6. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is an extremely harmful way of fighting that can deeply affect a person’s mental health. It involves manipulating someone emotionally to make them doubt their own thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. It causes the person to feel like their emotions and experiences aren’t real or valid. The gaslighter might even make the person believe that they’re imagining things or overreacting to situations. This creates a lot of confusion and can lead to the victim feeling powerless and unsure of themselves. It’s a serious issue that can cause immense damage to a person’s self-esteem and the relationship.