Depression can manifest as feelings of hopelessness, loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed, fatigue, changes in appetite, and difficulty sleeping.
If you have a friend, sibling, or loved one going through depression, you may want to offer support, but sometimes, well-meaning words can backfire.
Here are 7 things to never say to someone struggling with depression, along with some helpful alternatives:
1. “You should be grateful for what you have.”
While gratitude can be a helpful practice, guilt-tripping someone with depression won’t make them feel better. Depression affects a person’s ability to feel positive emotions.
Instead, acknowledge their struggle. You could say, “I know it’s hard to see the good things right now, but you’re strong and you’ll get through this.”
2. “Everyone feels down sometimes. You’ll get over it.”
Sadness is a normal emotion, but it’s not the same as the persistent, debilitating feelings associated with depression. Minimising their experience can make them feel unheard and alone.
Instead, validate their feelings.
You could say, “Depression is a real challenge, and it’s okay not to be okay.”
3. “You just need to…” (Followed by unsolicited advice)
Depression can steal motivation and make it hard to take action. An overwhelming list of “shoulds” can feel overwhelming and unhelpful.
Instead, offer specific support. You could say, “Would you like me to help you make a doctor’s appointment?” or “Would you like to come for a walk with me?”
4. “At least you have…” (Followed by a comparison)
Comparing their struggles to someone else’s situation invalidates their pain. Everyone’s journey is unique, and depression doesn’t discriminate.
Instead, focus on them. You could say, “What can I do to make things a little easier for you right now?”
5. “You just need to think positive!”
While positive thinking can be helpful, it’s not a magic cure for depression. For someone in the throes of this illness, positivity might feel impossible.
What to say instead: Offer reassurance by saying, “These feelings won’t last forever. There is help available.”
6. “It’s your fault you feel this way.”
Depression is not caused by weakness or lack of character. Blaming them only adds to their burden. Instead, let them know they’re not alone.
7. “Just cheer up!”
Depression is a state of mind beyond the control of the person experiencing it. Trying to force happiness can feel artificial and dismissive.
What to say instead: “Would you like to talk about what’s going on?” Sometimes, just listening is the most supportive thing you can do.
Empathy is key. The best way to help someone with depression is to listen without judgment, offer support without pressure, and be their cheerleader in the fight for recovery.
Their journey can be long, but your presence and understanding can make a world of difference.
