Raising children requires maintaining a careful balance between teaching, guiding, and providing for them.
While discipline is an essential component of this process, a child’s growth can be greatly impacted by the way it is applied.
Scolding is a common method of quickly correcting conduct, yet it can have long-lasting detrimental impacts on a child’s development.
There are more efficient forms of punishment besides scolding that can produce better results for the parent and the child.
The negative impact of scolding on a child’s brain
Research has shown that scolding can have detrimental effects on a child’s emotional and cognitive development. According to a study published in the Journal of Child Development, children who are frequently scolded or yelled at are more likely to develop anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. This is because scolding activates the child’s fight-or-flight response, causing stress hormones like cortisol to spike. Over time, this repeated stress can lead to changes in brain structure, particularly in areas involved in emotion regulation and memory.
A child who is scolded often may also internalise the message that they are “bad” or “unworthy,” which can affect their self-image and behaviour long-term. Instead of correcting the behaviour, scolding can reinforce negative feelings, leading to a cycle of misbehaviour and further scolding. This cycle can be damaging, making it essential for parents to find alternative ways to discipline.
1. Finding a calmer way to deal with the situation
Timeouts can be an effective alternative to scolding when used correctly. The key factor is to implement them in a way that allows the child to reflect on their behaviour rather than feel punished. Instead of sending a child to timeout with anger, explain calmly why they need to take a break. For example, you might say, “I need you to sit here for a few minutes to think about what just happened.” This gives the child a chance to cool down and consider their actions in a non-threatening environment.
Studies have found that timeouts when used as a moment for reflection rather than punishment, can help children learn self-control and understand the consequences of their actions. Timeouts are most effective when they are brief and followed by a discussion about what the child could do differently next time.
2. Ask them to explain what went wrong
Encouraging our children to explain their actions helps them develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Instead of immediately scolding or punishing, ask them, “Can you tell me what happened?” or “Why do you think that was a bad idea?” This approach not only gives the child a chance to articulate their thoughts and feelings but also helps them understand the impact of their actions.
By discussing the situation, you help your child learn to take responsibility for their actions and think about the consequences. This method builds a sense of accountability and encourages better decision-making in the future.
“What would you do in this situation?”
Another effective technique is to involve your child in problem-solving by asking, “What would you do in this situation?” This question encourages them to think critically and consider alternative ways to handle similar situations in the future. It shifts the focus from the mistake to finding a solution, which can be more empowering and constructive.
Involving children in this way helps them feel more in control of their behaviour and teaches them valuable problem-solving skills. It also reinforces the idea that everyone makes mistakes, but what’s important is how we learn and grow from them.
3. Give appropriate reasons and explanations
Children are more likely to cooperate and learn from their mistakes when they understand the reasoning behind the rules and consequences. Instead of simply saying “No” or “Don’t do that,” provide clear and age-appropriate explanations for your decisions. For example, you might say, “Running in the house is dangerous because you could trip and hurt yourself.”
When children understand the reasons behind the rules, they are more likely to follow them. This approach also helps build trust and open communication between parent and child, making discipline a more positive and collaborative experience.
