Being kind and considerate is a great trait, but when it comes at the cost of your own well-being, it might indicate that you’re a people pleaser.
People-pleasing behaviour stems from a desire to be liked and avoid conflict, but it can lead to burnout, frustration, and a loss of personal identity.
Here are seven signs that you might be a people pleaser and tips on how to address these behaviours.
1. You always say yes
If you find yourself agreeing to everything, even when it’s overwhelming or beyond your responsibilities, you could be stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing. Saying “yes” to avoid disappointing others can make you an easy target for extra work and expectations. Learning to say “no” when necessary is key to breaking this pattern.
Start small by practising polite refusals, like, “I’d love to help, but I’m stretched thin right now.”
2. You avoid conflict
Avoiding any form of disagreement is another common sign. People pleasers steer clear of confrontations, even when standing up for themselves is the right thing to do. While no one enjoys conflict, learning to address issues calmly and assertively can actually strengthen relationships, as it builds mutual respect.
3. You need everyone to like you
Do you go out of your way to make sure everyone likes you, even those you don’t particularly care for? Seeking approval from everyone, including those you don’t have meaningful connections with, can be exhausting and unproductive. It’s impossible to please everyone, and that’s perfectly okay.
4. You rarely accept praise
If you struggle to accept compliments or deflect praise with comments like, “It was a team effort,” you might be downplaying your accomplishments to avoid attention. Accepting praise graciously is essential—it’s not bragging, it’s acknowledging your hard work.
5. You take the blame for others
Taking responsibility for mistakes that aren’t yours just to keep the peace is a sign that you’re prioritising others’ feelings over fairness. This can lead to resentment and even bigger problems down the road, as it prevents the real issues from being addressed.
6. You change your behaviour around others
People pleasers often change their behaviour or opinions depending on who they are around. If you find yourself agreeing with people just to fit in, or behaving differently to match the crowd, it’s a sign you might be losing sight of your own identity. Always stay true to yourself, no matter who you’re with.
7. You feel overwhelmed by guilt when saying no
Do you feel an intense wave of guilt every time you decline a request? This is a hallmark of people-pleasing. Feeling guilty about setting boundaries can lead to burnout. Instead of feeling bad, recognise that taking care of your own needs is not selfish, it’s necessary.
