Why do children become rude? 5 things that unconsciously promote this behaviour

Rudeness in children is a concern that leaves parents puzzled and frustrated.

While it’s natural to expect occasional defiance or crankiness as kids grow and learn to deal with their emotions, persistent rudeness can be a sign of deeper issues.

It’s important to understand the root causes and reflect on the subtle ways we might unconsciously encourage this behaviour.

Here are some of the reasons behind this and how our actions or surroundings can influence it.

Children aren’t born knowing how to manage their emotions. If a child hasn’t been taught or shown healthy ways to express anger, frustration, or disappointment, they may resort to rudeness. Often, it’s not intentional but rather a result of feeling overwhelmed. As per a study published in the Developmental psychology journal, “Absolute levels of anger typically peak in early childhood and diminish as children become socialized and better able to regulate emotions.”

What contributes to this?

Frequent exposure to high-stress situations, lack of guidance on managing emotions, or witnessing adults expressing emotions through aggression can leave a lasting impact.

Children learn a lot by watching their parents, caregivers, and even teachers. If they see adults being rude, dismissive, or using harsh words, they might mirror this behaviour.
Simple acts like snapping at someone in frustration, speaking disrespectfully, or using sarcasm can leave a bigger impression on kids than we realise. They view this as normal behaviour and may replicate it.

Inconsistency in setting boundaries or enforcing rules can confuse children. If they get away with rude behaviour occasionally but face consequences other times, they may not understand what’s acceptable. They might test boundaries frequently, leading to behaviour that appears rude or defiant.

Sometimes, rudeness is a cry for attention or help. If a child feels ignored, undervalued, or unheard, they may act out to express their frustration. Overly busy schedules, lack of quality family time, or feeling overshadowed by siblings can leave children feeling neglected. In such cases, rudeness may be their way of saying, “Notice me!”

Friends, the media, and even particular locations can all promote impolite behaviour in subtle ways. If kids are surrounded by people who communicate disrespectfully, or if they watch media that celebrates impolite or aggressive characters, they may develop these characteristics.

Unmonitored screen time, a lack of healthy role models, or being exposed to places where courtesy is not valued can all have a negative impact on their behaviour.