The perception that African parents tend to be strict can be understood within the context of cultural values, historical experiences, and societal expectations.
In many African households, strict parenting is often seen as a way to instill discipline, respect, and success in children.
However, it can sometimes feel overly rigid or controlling from the child’s perspective.
Here’s a deeper look at why this happens, and some strategies to improve family dynamics:
Why are African parents often seen as strict?
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Cultural emphasis on respect and obedience: Many African cultures place a high value on respect for elders, authority figures, and family hierarchy. Parents are often seen as the primary authority in the household, and children are expected to show deference, which can sometimes be interpreted as strictness.
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Desire for academic and professional success: African parents often push their children toward high academic achievement and prestigious careers (such as medicine, law, or engineering). This can stem from the belief that education is the key to upward mobility and breaking free from economic struggles, which have been significant in many parts of Africa due to colonialism, poverty, and limited resources.
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Protection from external pressures: In many African communities, parents are protective of their children due to concerns about societal influences, peer pressure, and exposure to risks. The strictness can stem from a desire to shield children from harmful behaviors, such as early relationships, substance abuse, or other negative influences.
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Historical factors: Historically, African families have faced hardships, such as poverty, war, and political instability. In many cases, strict parenting became a survival mechanism, ensuring children grew up with the resilience, discipline, and ambition necessary to overcome these challenges.
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Generational differences: In immigrant families, African parents might apply strict parenting as a way to maintain cultural identity while adapting to a new environment. They may feel the need to keep a strong hold on their children to preserve their cultural values, especially when children are exposed to a different societal structure in a foreign country.
How to improve the relationship with strict African parents
While strict parenting may stem from good intentions, it can create tension or misunderstandings in families. Here are a few strategies to help improve communication and the parent-child relationship:
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Foster open communication: Open, respectful conversations can help bridge the gap between parents and children. Share your perspective calmly, express your feelings, and listen to their concerns. This can build understanding and encourage compromise.
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Understand the root cause: Try to understand why your parents are strict. Knowing that their strictness comes from a place of care and concern for your future might help you be more empathetic to their perspective.
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Seek common ground: Identify areas where you and your parents agree, and build on those. For instance, if education is a top priority for them, discuss how you can succeed in a way that aligns with your passions and interests, which may help reduce friction.
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Respect their values: Show respect for your parents’ values, even if you disagree with them. This can lead to a more collaborative atmosphere in the home, where both parties feel heard and appreciated.
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Set boundaries respectfully: As you grow older, it’s important to assert your independence. Set clear and respectful boundaries when it comes to your personal space, freedom, and decision-making. Negotiating boundaries can help reduce the feeling of being controlled.
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Compromise: Find a middle ground between their expectations and your own desires. For example, if they want you to excel academically, show them how you’re working hard in a way that respects both their wishes and your own goals.
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Seek mediation if necessary: If communication is very strained, involving a third party, such as a counselor or family mediator, can help facilitate conversations in a non-judgmental environment.
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Demonstrate responsibility: Sometimes strictness arises from concerns about a lack of responsibility. Show your parents that you’re capable of making good decisions by demonstrating maturity in your actions. This may help them trust you more and ease up on their strictness.
In summary:
Strict parenting in African families is often rooted in love, cultural values, and a desire for success. However, open communication, mutual respect, and understanding can help bridge the gap between strict parenting styles and the desire for independence and modern perspectives. By demonstrating responsibility and engaging in thoughtful conversations, you can begin to ease tensions and build a more supportive relationship with your parents.
