Self-care has become the new buzzword for almost everything. Ignored all your calls and messages for a week? “I’m protecting my peace.” Burnt your food? “It’s fine, I’m practicing self-care.” Stayed up and binged on Netflix until 3AM? “I’m having some me time.”
Now, don’t get me wrong; self-care is important. Very important. Living in a world that keeps demanding more from us, taking time to breathe, rest, and recharge is a necessity.
But somewhere along the line, we started confusing toxic habits with genuine self-care. We began masking our unhealthy coping mechanisms with pretty words and aesthetic Instagram quotes.
Sometimes, what we call “self-care” is really just avoidance, denial, or plain old bad habits in disguise. It’s easy to justify the things that feel good in the moment but slowly eat away at our well-being.
So, let’s talk about it. What are some toxic habits many of us have mistakenly labelled as self-care?
1. Cutting people off without communication
Yes, boundaries are healthy. But there’s a difference between setting boundaries and ghosting everyone who rubs you the wrong way.
Not every conflict requires a dramatic “cut-off.” Sometimes, growth comes from hard conversations, not disappearing acts. If we cut everyone off without explanation, we may be choosing comfort over connection, and that’s not self-care.
2. Spending money to ‘feel better’
Retail therapy can give a quick dopamine hit. But turning to shopping every time you’re stressed or sad isn’t self-care, it’s avoidance.
Blowing your budget and stressing over money later isn’t healing, either. Real self-care sometimes looks like budgeting, saving, and learning to sit with your feelings instead of swiping them away with am ATM card.
3. Avoiding responsibilities in the name of rest
“Rest is productive,” they say. And it is, until it becomes an excuse to avoid real-life tasks. Ignoring deadlines, letting dishes pile up, and ghosting work meetings might feel freeing in the moment, but they create chaos long-term. True self-care is about balance: rest, yes, but also showing up for your life.
4. Overindulging in ‘me time’ and isolating
There’s nothing wrong with loving your own company. But when ‘me time’ becomes an excuse to isolate, that’s a red flag.
Humans are wired for connection. Isolation can lead to loneliness and depression, even if it’s dressed up as self-care. If you’re always alone and calling it peace, ask yourself: is it peace, or just protection from vulnerability?
5. Toxic positivity in the name of ‘staying positive’
Forcing yourself to “just be positive” no matter what is not self-care, it’s emotional suppression. Life is messy. You’re allowed to feel sad, angry, and frustrated.
Real self-care is sitting with those emotions, processing them, and then finding healthy ways to move forward. Not every cloud needs a silver lining slapped on it.
Self-care isn’t always soft blankets, bubble baths, and ignoring the world. Sometimes, it’s tough love. It’s therapy. It’s budgeting. It’s choosing growth over comfort.
Let’s stop using “self-care” to excuse behaviours that harm us in the long run. The goal is not just to feel good for a moment—but to be well for life.
