Relationships are supposed to bring joy, love, and fulfillment, but for many people, they can feel draining and unfulfilling.
Yet, even when things aren’t going well, many individuals find themselves staying in unhappy relationships.
While it might seem logical to leave when things aren’t working, the reasons people stick around can be complex, deep-rooted, and often surprising.
Here are seven unexpected reasons why many people stay in unhappy relationships:
1. Fear of being alone
One of the most common and powerful reasons people stay in unhappy relationships is the fear of being alone. The idea of being single can feel overwhelmingly daunting, especially when society often equates being in a relationship with happiness and success. People fear loneliness, societal judgment, or feeling like they’ve “failed” in their romantic life. Staying in a relationship, even a bad one, may feel more comforting than the uncertainty of facing life alone.
2. Emotional investment and the sunk cost fallacy
The longer someone has invested emotionally in a relationship, the harder it can be to walk away. The sunk cost fallacy is a psychological concept that explains why people keep investing in something (even when it’s no longer working) because they’ve already put so much effort into it. They believe that leaving would make all that time, energy, and emotional investment “go to waste,” even if it means continuing to sacrifice their happiness.
3. Hope for change (The “what if” fantasy)
Many people stay in unhappy relationships because they hold onto the hope that things will eventually improve. They often fantasize about their partner changing or believe that the relationship will return to a happier state. They might tell themselves, “What if this is just a phase?” or “Maybe they’ll change if I just wait longer or try harder.” This belief can trap individuals in cycles of disappointment, as they constantly hold out hope that never materializes.
4. Children and family obligations
When children are involved, many individuals feel a sense of responsibility to stay in the relationship, believing that staying together for the sake of the children is the best option. The fear of disrupting the family dynamic, financial strain from separation, or the desire to provide a “normal” family structure can lead people to tolerate unhappiness. They might believe that their children will be better off if the parents remain together, even if the relationship is unhealthy.
5. Low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth
In some cases, individuals may stay in unhappy relationships because they don’t believe they deserve anything better. If someone has low self-esteem or struggles with feelings of unworthiness, they might feel that being in any relationship is better than being alone. They may even feel like they “can’t do any better” than their current partner, leading them to stay in unhealthy dynamics. This self-perception can make it difficult to see a way out, even when the relationship is causing harm.
6. Comfort in routine and familiarity
Even in unhappy relationships, there is often a certain level of comfort in the routine. Humans are creatures of habit, and the familiarity of being with the same person, even if it’s not fulfilling, can feel safer than the uncertainty of change. People tend to resist upheaval in their lives, so the thought of starting over—whether it’s moving out, dating again, or adjusting to a new lifestyle—can seem overwhelming. Staying in a bad relationship feels less risky than facing the unknown.
7. Codependency
In some relationships, there is a deep sense of codependency, where one or both partners rely on each other for emotional or psychological support, despite the dysfunction. This dynamic can make it hard for individuals to leave, as they may feel emotionally or psychologically “dependent” on their partner’s approval or presence. In these relationships, even if the partnership is unhealthy, it feels difficult to break free because both partners have become enmeshed in each other’s lives to such an extent that their identities and well-being are intertwined.
