In every relationship, after sometime once they get to know each other, the so-called honeymoon phase ends.
There comes a time when we suddenly start seeing our partner’s flaws. This fault finding habit can be on little things like how someone leaves their towel after taking a bath or something important like how someone behaves when they are angry.
When we are in love & in a relationship for long we want our partner to grow thinking with their growth naturally the relationship will grow too.
However the turning point or downfall begins when we start seeing the relationship as an assignment which needs corrections & view our partner as less of a person & more of a project.
Trying to change someone rather than nurturing them leads to bad taste in the bond.
This begins to create gaps between two individuals & eventually breaks the person’s mind , heart & soul thinking someone is always there to criticise them & it shakes the foundation of the relationship.
You can help your partner , advise them but not change them to the version you imagined.
1. The urge to “fix” your partner
The constant feeling to fix a partner stems from a good heart. One wishes their partner becomes the top version they can be. You might be visualising them to reach their best potential, maybe look better or feel more satisfied if they made those small changes. But in this process instead of building your partner you break them and in fact burden them.
The feeling which mostly goes to the other person is that they are lacking something .
2. How the “fixing” mindset causes pain to your partner
You Attack their Self-Image. When you continuously focus on making your partner change according to the image in your mind you undervalue them & someone hammer their self respect. No human being is at their best self when they are under surveillance & constant nudging to be a certain way. If a partner is always listening how they can be like someone else they would feel lost & withdraw eventually specially emotionally .
3. Creation of a failed power dynamic
This divides the relationship into a project head & a pleaser & moves away from two equal partners. This causes a bad imbalance, with one person dominating the other & giving direction to the relationship. One sided relationships can be hurtful for some individuals.
4. You overlook their uniqueness & authenticity
You don’t care for Them for Who They Are. When you’re adamant on changing them it blinds you from the good qualities in them. This does no good as no one is perfect & it makes you bitter in the love & care you need to give.
5. It breeds emotional discomfort
No one likes to feel like less of them. The more you focus on changing someone , the more pressure builds. The partner might feel like you don’t like them or you are dishonest and you may have doubts that they’re not changing like you are dictating .
This pressure can create emotional breakdown, resulting in connection not happening.
How to not keep fixing your partner
Be by their side at all times. It’s good & normal to want your partner to do well & grow, but change should be initiated not insisted. You can guide, advise, and be present for your partner to make the change, but you can’t force them to do it & especially suffocate them. The best progress is when someone works on themselves or changes something because they feel good about it.
Respect them for their current self
It’s attractive to think of how someone can be & not accept how they actually are .
Real Love should see your partner as they are at that time with their imperfections .
Have authentic conversation rather than fights
Sometimes they are actual problems that should be taken up in the relationship, have those difficult conversations with your partner instead of constantly belittling them. Discuss about how you feel, what’s hurt you, and how you can both support each other for the betterment of the relationship.
Honor their individual journey
Your partner is an individual who has lived their own life & has their own story .
They come into your life with their own baggage. Recognise this and give them respect for the same. It’s cunning to trust a person if they look & act like you want them too. Trying to manage them will result in drifting away.
Love isn’t a project — it’s a partnership
True intimacy is to share the right things at the right time in the right way.
Partnership isn’t about finding faults but of total acceptance.
When you stop changing & embracing the relationship blooms & both individuals together reach their highest potential. Focus on building a partnership where both of you feel supported in your individual growth. Love isn’t about proving — it’s about progress. The law of mirror teaches us that ‘What we see in others is in us first whether it’s insecurity or inspiration.
