A failed relationship isn’t always a failure. Sure, you didn’t end up together, but it doesn’t mean you didn’t get a lot out of it.
Just like the end of a job, it got you to where you are today no matter how it ended. When you go through a breakup, it can feel like the entire relationship was a waste.
It can feel like you wasted your time on something that was worthless. But, when the initial pain wears off you realize you can learn a lot from a failed relationship.
Failed relationships teach you so much about the past, but also lead you in the right direction in the future with more wisdom.
So, what things can you learn from a failed relationship? The answer is endless, but here are some common ones you may experience.
1. You deserve more
More can mean someone who makes you a priority or just someone you click with more. Once you’ve been in a relationship, no matter how great, when it ends you realize what wasn’t there.
From the breakup itself, you learn to love yourself instead of depending on love from someone else. This helps you realize that you don’t have to settle, you deserve the best relationship, not just any relationship.
2. Love takes work
Love may be this magical thing, but that doesn’t mean it just comes easily. You need to put effort into your friendships and relationships with family, so it makes sense you’d need to do the same for a romantic relationship.
When you walk away from a relationship of your own doing or not, you realize there is some work that isn’t being put in and that is okay sometimes.
3. You weren’t happy
While in a relationship, we tend to see things with rose-colored glasses. You glaze over some issues because you’ve put so much effort in and don’t want it to go to waste. But once you’ve actually broken up, you look back and realize that you weren’t as happy as you thought you were.
Sure, you had good times, but once you’ve said goodbye you can see that you haven’t lost as much as you thought.
4. Timing matters
Yes, it does. I know it sucks to hear, but even when someone seems perfect, the timing can be off. Long-distance, busy jobs, and more get in the way. It isn’t always because you didn’t love each other enough but that that time wasn’t your time.
5. You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change
This is huge. This is something I want to say the majority of people learn from a failed relationship. We so often love our partners except for this or that. Maybe they smoke, maybe they’re unsure about wanting kids, or anything else.
When you love someone and these things come up, instead of facing them for their gravity, you tend to hope they’ll go away in the future or you can change their mind or them. Unless they want to change for you and for themselves, it won’t happen. It doesn’t matter how hard you try.
6. You need balance
When you leave a relationship and feel completely alone, it could be because you let them absorb your life. You ditched your friends and hobbies to focus on this person. But now they’re gone and you don’t have the support system.
That moment teaches you that relationships need independence. You need to have your own friends, hobbies, and time. Without that, the relationship begins defining you and makes the idea of a breakup terrifying to you.
7. This wasn’t your only option
I have heard so many people ask, “What am I going to do now?”, when a relationship fails as if that was their only chance at finding love. In the moment, it feels life-crushing, but you can soon realize that wasn’t all there is for you.
There are other people and options. You can travel, move for work, or date someone new. Just because you’re a certain age or spent so much time in a relationship doesn’t mean there isn’t something else out there for you.
