Love isn’t in the cards for some couples even if they’ve been together for a while, and it’s possible to fall out of love even if you once had it.
The signs that you’re not really in love with your partner are pretty obvious, but you have to be willing to see them.
Read on for the red flags that what’s between you is lacking.
Signs you’re not really in love with your partner
- When you say “I love you,” it feels forced. It might feel like an afterthought when you say it and it doesn’t hold much meaning. Maybe you only say those words because your partner says them first, or you only say it because you’ve been dating the person for a while and feel obligated. If those three words aren’t convincing, you’re probably not really in love.
- You haven’t deleted your dating apps. If you’re still hesitating to delete your dating apps and you make excuses for keeping them, you’re most likely not envisioning a future with your partner because you still need the apps as a backup. If you’re really in love with someone and you feel deep down that it’s going to last, you’d have no problem hitting the delete button. It’s a sign that you don’t care as much as you think you do.
- You think about them very little or not at all throughout the day. There should be something that reminds you of your partner or something that comes up that you want to tell them when you see each other later. If you’re in love, you also bring the person up in conversation sometimes. We all have busy lives, but if your significant other doesn’t cross your mind at least briefly during the day, you’re probably not in love.
- When you think about the future, they’re not in it. You might be really focused on your career, and maybe it’s going to lead you somewhere else. If it doesn’t really matter to you whether your partner follows you or not, you might not really love the person. If you envision starting a family but you don’t really want it to be with your partner, you’re definitely not head over heels. When you’re in love, your partner is part of your future planning in one way or another.
- You don’t care to talk about problems in your relationship. If you try to avoid conflict at all costs because you don’t want to start a fight, it shows you don’t care enough to resolve issues. Loving couples usually want to work through problems so they can be happy and grow together. Being able to do that is a critical component of a loving relationship, and if it’s not worth it to you then you’re not in love.
- You pick fights over little things. If you’re constantly looking for something to be upset about, you might subconsciously be looking for a reason to break up. When you’re truly in love, little things don’t bother you as much—and even when they do, you learn to let them go or to resolve them quickly so that your relationship isn’t destroyed over something that’s not important.
- You focus on their flaws rather than on their strengths. Instead of their quirks being endearing, they really just irritate you more than anything. You’re not going to love everything about a person, but if absolutely everything they do annoys you, you most likely aren’t in love. Couples in love care more about each other’s good qualities than the little imperfections.
- You constantly complain about them to others. You find yourself talking negatively about your partner to your friends and family more often than you’re bragging about the good things. It’s normal to need to vent about your frustrations regarding your significant other sometimes, but if that’s all you do, you might not be in love with them.
- You don’t care to share experiences with them. You might find yourself preferring to do things alone or always going out without your partner. If this is the case, you might not be in love. People in love are usually best friends and want to experience life together at least some of the time.
- You keep a lot of secrets. There may be a lot of things your partner doesn’t know about you. If you have secret debt or an addiction that you can’t tell the person about, it’s not a good sign. Even if you’re keeping something small from them like you secretly hate their cooking, for example, it means you can’t be authentic around the person. If you can’t tell your partner all of your deepest secrets and you can’t be honest about everything there is to know about you, sorry, but you’re not truly in love.
Can you still be with someone you’re not in love with?
If you recognized more than a few signs that you’re not really in love with your partner even though you thought you were, don’t panic. This doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is over. In fact, it may not change much of anything. After all, if you’ve only just gotten together, maybe you’re just not there yet. Just because you’re not head over heels at this exact moment doesn’t mean you’ll never get there.
Of course, it’s also important to be honest with yourself and your partner. If you know they’re in love with you and you don’t reciprocate, don’t keep it to yourself. You have to be upfront about how you’re feeling (or not) because they deserve to know. From there, you can decide whether you want to work on things and stay together or move on.
