As Valentine’s Day approaches, the world around us fills with symbols of romance and affection, beckoning us to express love for our partners, friends and family.
But amidst the swirl of red hearts and roses, we often overlook the most essential relationship we have: the one with ourselves.
As many grapple with the never-ending struggle of self-criticism, it’s vital to recognise that our internal monologue profoundly influences our mental and emotional health.
Rakhi Beekrum, a Durban-based psychologist, highlights an important truth: self-love is a skill that many of us struggle to master.
“Most of us were not raised with examples of self-love. Rather, many of us were raised to be self-sacrificing. Self-love is not what social media makes it out to be – spa days, shopping sprees and treating ourselves.”
She says that self-love needs to start from the inside.
“While these may form part of self-love, self-love needs to start from the inside.
“Example, in the way that we speak to ourselves, in choosing to be around people who make us feel good (instead of holding on to relationships where we are not valued), by making time to do things that spark joy in our lives, by acting consistently with our values and choosing habits that support our personal growth,” explains Beekrum.
Beekrum urges everyone to integrate self-love into daily life rather than reserving it for Valentine’s Day alone.
“Think about the ways in which you show love to others and do those things for yourself.”
She suggests that we speak to ourselves like we’re speaking to someone we love and treat ourselves the way we would treat a loved one on a special occasion.
“Stop waiting for others to do things for you. Set the tone for how you would like to be treated,” she says.
Challenging the common belief that one cannot love others without first loving oneself, Beekrum states: “The idea that we can’t love others until we love ourselves is problematic. Most of us grow up feeling loved or witnessing love. So we learn how to love others, not ourselves.
“We have to learn to love ourselves because it isn’t often something that comes naturally. Sometimes, in being loved by others, we may also learn to love ourselves.”
She advises, “Whether you’re single or in a relationship, start by treating yourself like someone you love.”
As Valentine’s Day serves as a reminder of romantic affection, Beekrum advises those who are single to reframe their feelings about the day.
“Love it or hate it, we cannot ignore Valentine’s Day, because we are bombarded with shades of red, hearts and advertising all around.
“It is okay to feel sad that you don’t have someone to celebrate the day with. At the same time, we can be happy for those who are in relationships.
“Think about what you would like to do to make the day special if it’s something important for you.
“Plan something with other single friends, dress in a way that makes you feel confident or participate in an activity that you enjoy.”
She adds, “We are responsible for our own happiness. Most importantly, remember that healthy love is celebrated in little ways, every day – not just once a year.”
Here are five other practical strategies individuals can incorporate into their lives to nurture self-love:
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, particularly in tough times.
Focus on your strengths: Regularly make a list of your positive attributes and revisit it often.
Forgive yourself: Acknowledge mistakes as learning opportunities, moving forward without self-judgment.
Prioritise self-care: Ensure you get sufficient sleep, eat nutritious foods and exercise.
Surround yourself with support: Spend time with uplifting friends and family.
