Should you be completely honest with your partner?

Do you believe that romantic relationships are built on honesty? Does that mean you should speak the truth, always?

So, when your partner asks, “Honey, do you think I look good in this outfit?” How will you respond? Well, that’s hands down a loaded question. But, so is the question – is honesty always the best policy in a relationship?

While truth may offend and lead to a quarrel sometimes, a dishonest answer may create trust issues down the road.

Does telling the truth strengthen romantic relationships, or does it backfire? Well, psychologists have made that task easy for us.

A team of University of Rochester psychologists led by Bonnie Le, an assistant professor in the Department of Psychology decided to explore the truth about honesty in answering tough questions.
To find the answers, they conducted a study, where 200 couples participated. The researchers studied the role of honesty in romantic relationships.

The participants had face-to-face conversations with their romantic partners in a lab setting. The effects of expressing honesty, perceiving honesty, and accurately discerning honesty among romantic partners who shared so-called relationship-threatening information were examined. The participants also talked in one-on-one conversations with their partners about a change they wanted to see in the other.

And the results? Well, ‘just tell the truth’. Most of us value honesty in our relationships, romantic or not. Honesty can help create a connection and foster closeness. But, at times, it can also hurt our partners, especially when we share potentially threatening details, such as “I really dislike when you do x,” or, “I wish you’d do y instead.” However, in the long run, the truth will be worth it, says the Rochester team.

“We found that being more honest in expressing a desired change predicted greater personal and relationship well-being for both partners, as well as greater partner motivation to change in the moment. The same pattern emerged when the person receiving a request to change perceived honesty in their partner, regardless of whether their partner was being honest or not,” Le said.

Le, along with the team found that even if partners in a relationship don’t perfectly understand or accurately perceive each other’s honesty, the simple act of expressing honesty and being perceived as honest by the other partner has a positive effect on the relationship. It also contributes to overall well-being of the relationship. Because the effort to be truthful matters more than flawless accuracy in its perception.

“These results collectively suggest that being honest and seeing honesty in a partner can benefit relationships. Even when the truth may hurt,” Le added.

The study is published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.