Despite increasing access to information and changing attitudes around relationships and gender, many South African men still cling to outdated and harmful beliefs about sex.
These misconceptions aren’t just innocent misunderstandings — they influence behavior, perpetuate unhealthy relationships, and contribute to issues like gender-based violence, poor sexual health, and emotional disconnection.
Let’s unpack five damaging lies that many South African men still believe about sex — and why it’s time to let them go.
1. “Real men always want sex”
The lie
Many South African men grow up believing that constant sexual desire is a sign of masculinity. To say “no” to sex, or to admit to not being in the mood, is seen as weak, soft, or even “unmanly.”
The truth
Sexual desire isn’t constant or universal — it’s human, and it fluctuates. Stress, mental health, physical condition, and relationship dynamics all affect libido. There is nothing weak about not wanting sex, and being in tune with your emotional and physical boundaries is a sign of maturity, not failure.
2. “Condoms ruin the experience — it’s fine to go without if you both trust each other”
The lie
There’s a popular belief that condoms make sex less pleasurable and that if both partners seem “clean,” skipping protection is okay — especially in long-term relationships or casual encounters with mutual trust.
The truth
Condoms do not eliminate pleasure. Modern condoms are ultra-thin, textured, and designed for comfort and sensation. More importantly, trusting someone doesn’t replace testing. South Africa still has one of the highest HIV prevalence rates in the world, and other STIs are widespread too.
3. “When a woman says ‘no,’ she doesn’t always mean it”
The lie
Some men are taught that women say “no” as a form of playing hard to get or testing a man’s persistence. This idea is especially normalized in media, music, and certain cultural teachings.
The truth
No always means no. Consent must be enthusiastic, ongoing, and clearly communicated. There is no grey area. Ignoring someone’s refusal is not flirting — it’s coercion, and it can be legally and morally classified as sexual assault or rape.
4. “If you don’t last long in bed, you’re not good at sex”
The lie
Men are often judged (and judge themselves) based on how long they can “last” during sex. This leads to performance anxiety and unhealthy comparisons.
The truth
Great sex isn’t about duration — it’s about connection, communication, and mutual satisfaction. Most penetrative sex lasts between 5 and 7 minutes on average. Focusing only on “lasting longer” ignores the emotional, sensual, and psychological elements of intimacy.
5. “The more sexual partners you’ve had, the more manly you are”
The lie
A man’s worth is often measured by how many women he’s slept with. Sexual conquest is viewed as a badge of honor, especially among younger men or in peer group settings.
The truth
Sexual experience doesn’t equal emotional maturity or masculinity. In fact, this attitude encourages objectification, dishonesty, and risky behavior. Real confidence comes from respect — for yourself and your partners.
