In many cultures – especially in Africa, there’s an unspoken expectation: once you “make it”, you must give back. And often, that means giving back to your parents.
After all, they sacrificed for you. They hustled, prayed, and poured their energy into your upbringing.
So naturally, the moment you start earning, you feel the weight of giving back to them, and that includes taking care of them as they age.
But here’s the tricky part no one talks about enough: how do you honour your parents without losing yourself in the process?
How do you show gratitude without going broke, burned out, or bitter?
It’s noble to want to “change their life.” However, this shouldn’t come at a cost that exceeds what you can afford. If you’re constantly draining yourself financially to appear like the “successful child,” you’re not really helping anyone. The truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Instead, create a budget that you can afford and stick to it. Yes, you are their child and should give them, but it’s also important to them that you don’t get drowned in the process.
So, give with love and not with guilt. Your intentions are pure, but that doesn’t mean sacrificing your rent or sanity.
Define what support really means
Giving back doesn’t always have to be about money. Yes, money is important, but many other things will also mean a lot to them. So, whether you’re wealthy or not, you can always pay attention to other aspects of care like:
- Making time for regular calls and visits
- Helping them get access to healthcare or a good doctor
- Teaching them how to use mobile banking or WhatsApp
- Listening when they feel lonely or confused by the pace of today’s world
Most of these things may seem small, but they’re amazing ways to show your parents that you value them and will always be present in their lives.
Don’t let built be your fuel
Often, people feel pressured to help due to emotional blackmail. Yes, they’re your parents and have done a great deal for you throughout your life. But it’s still not healthy to constantly rub all they’ve done to your face and guilt-trip you into helping. Guilt is never a healthy motivator. Gratitude is. So, you should naturally choose to give because you want to. Not because you’re afraid of being labelled ungrateful.
Involve your siblings (If you have)
You’re not an only child in this struggle – hopefully. Create a sibling WhatsApp group, share responsibilities, split bills, and rotate duties. Carrying the whole weight alone doesn’t make you the hero. It just makes you tired.
Sometimes, especially with toxic or manipulative parents (yes, it happens), the giving becomes a trap. You’re emotionally blackmailed into constant sacrifice. In such cases, protect your peace. Seek therapy if you need to. You can love people from a distance, with firm boundaries and clear expectations.
