We’ve all felt this magic on a date – everything goes so smoothly. The chemistry is so strong, the desire to see him naked and make out with him (right on the bar stool) is so intense that you hardly fight it.
The best part about these wonderful dates, aside from renewing belief in the male species, is that they open up the possibility of a relationship that lasts longer than a few drinks or a few dates.
But while it can be tempting (and even exciting) to throw all caution to the wind and fall completely in love with the new guy, experts agree that there are some early relationship deal breakers you can find within the first six weeks.
To figure out if you really want a long-term relationship rather than an affair, before you move on in your relationship, ask yourself these questions.
1. Are you love compatible?
Think about it: do you really want to spend the rest of your life (or even one more night) putting up with love that just doesn’t work? The first time you do it with someone is going to be a bit uncomfortable, and while it is normal for it to take a few tries to figure out how to move in ways that both of you get hot, there is one difference between love that gets better and bad love.
Many people underestimate the importance of love when they first get together, and many think they are doing each other a favor by not having love right away.
Many people underestimate the importance of love when they first get together, and many think they are doing each other a favor by not having love right away.
2. Can you argue in a healthy way?
Even in the honeymoon phase at the beginning of a relationship – those happy six weeks – you will fight as a couple. In all fairness, these arguments are healthy for your relationship and can often bring you closer, but only if you are fighting effectively. Most people avoid conflict for as long as possible when they first get together, but I see that as a good thing. If you argue a little in the first six weeks, you have an opportunity to see how to deal with disagreements.
3. How do you deal with stress together?
The most stressful part of your relationship right now is how often you can see each other and where to go for your first romantic getaway as a couple, but if you want to make it in the long run, you will end up in a lot more stressful situations. From planning a wedding to having a baby to buying a home, understanding and realizing how your partner deals with stress is important. And it is better to know earlier in the relationship than later.
4. How do you communicate?
Smart conversation, flirtatious text messages, and expressions of love are all well and good, but how do you really discuss your feelings? What you want? What works What could be better? Does he listen to you when you have to take a breath without bothering you with advice? Do you value his opinion and does he respect yours? Of all the things that keep a relationship healthy, the ability to talk is high on your list of must-haves.
5. Do you want the same things?
You can have great love and get along well, but if you don’t share the same values in life, your relationship can end up suffering. This can mean that you ultimately disagree about religion, where you live, or having children. Many couples think these issues will work out on their own, but sometimes they don’t even after several years of dating.
You may not want to bring up these topics for the first six weeks because it may seem like too much, but think about it casually.
Mention a cute child, talk about how you dreamed of living somewhere else, or bring up a childhood memory about religion.
Most likely he will interfere. Just make sure you are listening.
Mention a cute child, talk about how you dreamed of living somewhere else, or bring up a childhood memory about religion.
Most likely he will interfere. Just make sure you are listening.
