When you’re just getting to know somebody who is boyfriend/girlfriend material, it can be both thrilling and stressful.
You enjoy getting to know what makes each other tick. But there’s also a great deal of uncertainty. You worry that you’ll say something or behave in a way that leads them to believe you’re a big weirdo.
However, there are ways to minimize the risks of saying or doing something that kills the relationship before it’s really even begun. Here are 7 no-nos that you should avoid early in the relationship.
1. Acting too needy/clingy
It’s natural that at the beginning of a relationship, you would want to spend as much time with somebody as possible. The feeling is probably mutual, but don’t allow yourself to feel jealous or resentful. As your relationship grows, they will be more willing to integrate you into their broader social life, including getting to know their closest friends. It’s important that you both continue to have lives outside of your relationship.
2. Moving too quickly to plan your future together
When you make the transition from going on dates to officially becoming an item, there’s a feeling of euphoria and excitement that can’t be ignored. They are so amazing! Hell, you even find their annoying little quirks to be endearing. If you’ve only been together for a few weeks or even months, it is way too early to discuss moving in together. There’s no need to rush.
3. Comparing them to your exes
If you’re telling your boyfriend/girlfriend how they’re measuring up vs previous partners, you’re sending two really bad messages. First, it conveys to them that you might not be over your ex, especially if you’re discussing them in a positive light. Second, it puts unnecessary pressure on them to meet whatever expectations you have for them, even if you think you’re complimenting them for being so much better than Jake or Jennifer ever were.
4. Expecting them to conform to all your ideals
While compatibility and shared interests are obviously an important part of a relationship, you must allow for some flexibility. As you go on dates and get to know them, don’t treat the occasion like you’re a human resource manager. Don’t obsess and make mental notes over their eating preference, how interested they are in sports or how much partying they’re willing to do.
5. Ignoring the immediate red flags
While you certainly can’t expect a partner to be perfect in every way, there is also a risk of overlooking all of their negative qualities either in hopes that they will change over time or, because you find them so physically appealing, you’re trying to convince yourself that these character flaws are no big deal. If you notice that they have traits that would be difficult to contend with — there’s a very good chance that the relationship won’t last.
6. Showing up at their workplace
Surprising a new boyfriend/girlfriend by making them a meal or sending them flowers (or even better, tickets to the Super Bowl!) is a lovely gesture. But dropping by their office early in the relationship — especially at the stage when they haven’t even mentioned your existence to their co-workers — can be embarrassing and, quite frankly, creepy.
7. Loaning out money to them
If you’ve only been dating for a little while and he/she starts asking you to lend them money, it doesn’t bode well for the future of the relationship. For starters, it is a surefire indication that they aren’t very good with their finances. Second, it sends a message that they take you for granted, which is not a good thing when your relationship is just getting off the ground.
