Is ‘right person, wrong time’ real or just an excuse for a bad relationship?



Have you met the person of your dreams only to realize that it might not be the right timing? You may think you have, but in reality, there is no such thing.

Here’s why busting the myth of “right person, wrong time” could save your romantic life:

1. It keeps you in unhealthy relationships for too long

As soon as you fall for someone, it’s much easier to grit your teeth and hope that things magically get better than to admit to yourself that the person you love is not the right person for you. Telling yourself that the problem is timing gives you the excuse to stay with the person even when it’s a bad situation. Unfortunately, however, if things are bad from the start, time won’t fix them.

2. It makes you passive

Being able to blame time for your unhappy relationship gives you a free pass to do nothing. You can argue that the fundamental problem in your relationship is out of your control, so giving it time to sort itself out is the best way forward. But using an inanimate and nebulous concept as a scapegoat instead of taking ownership over your own life is self sabotaging behavior. No matter how much it hurts to take action, you must do it. Time will not heal an unworkable relationship.

3. If the timing is wrong, so is the person

One of the main factors of compatibility is timing. Do you have the same priorities? Do your day-to-day lives mesh together? Do you hold similar values? All of these change with time and determine whether or not you will work well as a couple. If you meet someone who’s never available and has a different set of values and relationship goals, they are clearly not the right person for you, even if “timing” is to blame for those incompatibilities.

4. Once you’ve met a person, timing is irrelevant

The only part that timing plays in a relationship is determining when and if you meet someone. Whether or not you believe in fate, the factors that go into meeting a person are out of your control. Time throws you together or keeps you as strangers. But once you have met a person, you must take ownership over whether or not the relationship is right. Blaming time will get you nowhere.

5. You can’t change time, so why use it as an excuse to stay in a bad relationship

If anything, bad timing should be a reason to immediately leave a bad relationship, or better yet, avoid the relationship in the first place. You don’t get to choose the timing, and you don’t get to change it. It should therefore be a non-negotiable dealbreaker if it isn’t right. If the one thing you can’t control in your relationship is wrong, why would you use it as an excuse to stay with someone?

6. No matter how you look at it, bad timing will ruin your relationship

Bad timing is a non-starter. If your relationship is based on conflict, whether it’s the conflict of distance or relationship goals, you won’t have a solid foundation on which to build something healthy. The only type of relationship that can be saved is one that started well, not one that started on shaky ground with lots of incompatibilities.

7. Context is everything

If the timing is wrong, then your priorities are likely out of sync. One of you may be ready for a relationship while the other isn’t. One of you may be entering an exciting new phase of life while the other is frustrated and dissatisfied. These issues will not get easier. How you feel about each other will take a backseat to the context surrounding your relationship. Eventually, your opposing goals will drive you apart. You will realize that as long as the situation is wrong, the relationship cannot be right.

8. It’s always a good time to end a bad relationship

You know what isn’t “bad timing”? Breaking up with someone who you aren’t suited for. While it may be painful, it will save you a lot of heartache. If you’re fixated on timing, end things with your current partner and make space for the right person to come along at the right moment.

9. Right person, wrong time” is based on a false assumption

The phrase implies that there is only one “right person” for you. But that is untrue. There isn’t just one person who you’re destined to be with forever. If you find yourself thinking that you’re with the right person at the wrong time, you’re underestimating your opportunities and your potential for happiness. There are plenty of people out there who could be the right person at the right time for you. You just have to give them the opportunity to appear.

10. The right person will make timing irrelevant

You won’t have an issue with timing when the right person comes along, because timing is always just a way to justify legitimate doubts you’re having about a person. When you meet someone who is right for you, you won’t even think about the timing. It will just feel right. People only consider timing when they can use it to justify a bad relationship.

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