Arguments are normal in a relationship. It can even be healthy.
It shows that you want to solve problems, that you communicate more, and that you want to put in the effort to stick together.
But when does an argument become a surefire sign of the end? When is fighting more negative than positive? You need to be aware of destructive disagreements that aren’t doing you any favors.
1. Arguments over life goals
A long-term relationship usually involves two people who both respect each other’s goals and desire similar things out of life. In committed relationships, a couple has usually already discussed where their lives together are heading. They have a general idea of where they want to be, and that future always includes each other.
But suddenly, you’re starting to fight over your life goals. Your ambitions don’t seem to match up anymore. You find yourself wondering if you even can still see your partner in your future ten years ahead. If those goals don’t align anymore, you may no longer be compatible.
2. When you argue over intimacy
Many people discount the influence of intimacy over the health of a relationship. But since good intimacy is often about good communication, if your bond is breaking down outside of the bedroom, it won’t be long until it falls apart within the bedroom, too.
Intimacy should come naturally. Neither partner should feel forced or guilty regarding what goes on – or doesn’t go on – in the bedroom. If you begin finding fault with each other’s bedroom habits, you are no longer physically compatible.
3. When you argue about the spark dying
Maybe your bond has been weakening. Perhaps you no longer feel happy around someone. Maybe the passion and romance have left. Maybe there’s no more spark.
This can be confusing for any couple. You want to feel something, and you want your partner to feel something – but there’s nothing there to feel. Many partners, perplexed and frustrated by this situation, begin to turn on each other, blaming each other in a desperate attempt to bring some life back into the romance.
4. When all of the arguments focus on one person changing for the other
Self-improvement is fair game. Change is inevitable. But fighting about the fact that one of you needs to change is a very negative thing.
Are you being pushed to change yourself for your partner, or are you pushing them to change for you? That doesn’t bode well. When you first started dating your partner, you did it because you like who they are – so why are all those positive things not enough anymore?
5. When your focus is on being in the right or winning
Arguments in a relationship shouldn’t be about winning or coming out on top. Instead, they should focus on solving the problem. It should be about the couple versus the issue at hand, not one partner versus the other.
The most important part of an argument is finding the root and working from there. If you’re more focused on getting the last word or winning, your arguments stop being about what matters and start being about pettiness and hostility.
6. When you argue over money
Money can be a bit of a touchy issue. Long-term relationships need to learn how to go from managing personal finances to managing joint finances. As such, it’s not uncommon for arguments regarding money to ensue.
The trouble begins when it’s impossible for either of you to agree on anything finance-related at all. You may disagree on the right ways to invest, spend, earn, save or give.
7. When you become unable to see their point of view
A relationship consists of two (or more!) different people. Each person is unique and has their own individual ideas, views, opinions, and values. They respond to things differently. They have varying preferences. A relationship requires mutual respect regarding these differences.
When you stop being able to empathize with your partner, the relationship is heading for an end. So, in the middle of a fight, if all you can think about is how what they’re saying doesn’t make sense and shouldn’t be taken into consideration, you’re running an unhealthy ship.
8. Meta-fighting
The way you fight can also be an indication that the end is nigh for a romantic relationship. Certain patterns of arguments, regardless of what they’re actually about, can be a big sign that it’s time to call it quits.
