When faced with a crisis in a relationship, some people choose to freeze up and build a wall or a barrier between themselves and the overwhelming problem at hand.
This reaction can be either conscious or subconscious. A response like this is described as stonewalling.
Stonewalling can create a huge rift in the couple’s relationship, resulting in intense marital anguish, disagreement, and turmoil.
Because they are preventing themselves from experiencing emotional intimacy with their spouse, the person who is stonewalling also suffers.
Although stonewalling has a negative impact on relationships, couples can attempt to overcome it.
Here are some strategies you can take to cope with your partner and enhance communication if you are in a relationship with a stonewaller:
1. Acknowledge the feelings of your partner
While you are not to blame for your partner’s behaviour, you should be aware that stonewalling frequently occurs in response to harsh criticism or disdain. When deciding how to react to stonewalling, you’ll realise that it’s crucial to notice the behaviour and inform the person that it isn’t the best course of action. Express your feelings and attempt to understand your partner’s perspective rather than criticising their negative conduct or something they did wrong.
2. Recognize you are not the ‘fixer’
If your partner avoids confrontation, you might believe that it is your responsibility to bring up or handle conflict when it occurs because you don’t trust them to do so. Conflict must be discussed, and typically someone must take the initiative and do so, but it is not always your responsibility to do so. If your partner is persistently stonewalling you, then you must let go of whatever guilt you may be feeling and stop trying to appease your toxic relationship.
3. Avoid attempting to change your mate
When your partner is stonewalling, you should explain that the goal isn’t to change who they are, but rather to correct a behaviour that isn’t beneficial to the relationship. Try to develop ways to communicate that won’t contradict or criticise your partner.
4. Go for couple therapy
You need to find the correct tools to rewire old communication patterns because a partnership isn’t likely to succeed without cooperation and communication. Couples therapy may be beneficial in this case. A professional’s workplace is a safe space; thus, stonewallers may feel comfortable speaking up there.
Try using the above-mentioned beneficial strategies to learn about stonewalling so that you are aware of the issue and can then make an effort to speak with your partner.
