Dating a man with anger issues isn’t just frustrating, it can be downright terrifying.
You never know where you stand or what’s going to set him off and how far he’s going to go the next time he flips, leaving you completely unsettled.
However, that’s not all you’ll deal with in this situation — here are some of the scariest things about being in a relationship with a man with anger issues.
1. You’re not in control
Some things are scary because you can feel them. It’s worse when you can’t see the thing that’s scary, which is exactly what happens when you’re dating a man with anger issues. Angry people do unpredictable things that don’t correlate to rational thought. They strip their partners of any sense of control or security and that’s scary.
2. You don’t feel seen
A relationship should be a safe space for self-expression and growth, but if it’s all about managing the other person’s anger all that time, you aren’t having your needs met. You end up completely disappearing in the relationship which isn’t just scary, it’s sad.
3. You can’t talk about it
It’s a taboo subject, dating a man (or woman) with anger issues, and you can’t always just discuss emotional abuse or trauma over tea and coffee. You have to be mindful of other people’s boundaries and that stops you from coming to terms with this toxic situation.
4. Friends might judge you
It’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize that the people closest to you might abandon you in your time of greatest need. That sounds dramatic, but dating a man with anger issues is a very complex situation. Without the right support, being met with judgment in a dysfunctional relationship can be scary and detrimental.
5. Friends might be at risk too
There’s also a very real risk that by trying to rant about or escape an angry or violent person, you put the people you talk to at risk. Because you know how you feel, there’s no way you’d take that risk. You can be scared for a variety of reasons; for your personal physical and mental safety and for the safety of others. It’s a constant sign of anxiety and it swiftly catches up with your mental health.
6. You cover up his mistakes
When people get angry, they get careless. That leads to mistakes that you have to be accountable for, as the person they’re dating. That’s part of the toxic culture: you can’t get away from an angry person, because at their core they’re vulnerable and rely on you.
7. You constantly make excuses for him
You might make excuses when dating a man with anger issues, claiming “it’s just because of his upbringing” or that “he doesn’t know what he’s doing.” These are harmful oversimplifications and it doesn’t do the person you’re dating any favors to cover for them in that way. You get so used to lying for him that you don’t even know what the truth is anymore, which is scary.
8. You make the same mistakes over and over again
No one wants to feel like they’re stuck in the same cycle, particularly when they’re in a toxic relationship with an angry person. You have to get yourself out when you feel like you’re not making any progress, or just that you’re stuck in the same heartbreak and hurt. It’s rarely as simple as that, though.
9. You’re feeling trapped
If you have started thinking about putting an emergency bag of packed survival essentials aside because you’re dating a man with extreme anger issues, then it’s a sign you aren’t feeling safe anymore. More than that, you secretly feel like you need to be able to have a bail-out strategy. This shows the real cost of dating an angry person. It changes you.
10. You suffer from serious anxiety
Anxiety is an increasingly common part of modern life, but it should be something that you can work out with your partner rather than it getting worse because of them. There still needs to be you and him in a relationship, not just both of you always working towards “fixing” the man’s anger issues.
