Sex is an intimate act between two people who care about each other. Even those who aren’t in love with each other, sex mates, or whatever it is called nowadays, this kind of intimacy needs to be met with care and, yes, etiquette.
It is the little things that matter – from offering a towel, to not rushing to finish without considering the other person’s need for pleasure.
Sex and intimacy coach Kgomotso Masela says that being well-mannered where sex is concerned is important no matter the relationship status between the people having some ‘happy time’.
“There’s a certain way we behave when at a dining table; similarly, there is sex etiquette that informs a certain way in which we should behave towards each other. Some things might not be taught in school or at church, but it is just good manners,” she says.
She adds that the biggest thing to consider is communication between sexual partners because it touches on all aspects of a sexual relationship.
Kgomotso lists the most basic etiquette before, during and after sex:
Etiquette before sex
1. Clean up – Go to the bathroom to pee so it’s not confused with an orgasm or a squirt. Take a bath, refresh your mouth and smell good! Nothing is sexier than a clean scent and fresh breath. A clean body also eliminates the element of ‘sex being regarded as dirty’. When one is clean, one becomes confident and open to flexibility. Also, wash your hands.
2. Invest in foreplay – It’s often said that women are like an oven – they need to be warmed up. Foreplay is a must for a couple to have a pleasurable sexual encounter.
3. Lubricate, lubricate and lubricate – Invest in a good PH-balanced lubricant to enjoy a smooth ride. Dry sex is never a good idea as it may cause scars on the vaginal walls and lead to unwanted STIs.
Etiquette during sex
1. Follow your partner’s lead – Don’t rush to ‘show off’ your skill. Allow your partner to lead, and you will follow after. Pay attention to the unspoken words, the movements of the body and the moans that follow.
2. Don’t fake it – The more genuine you are, the better the chances of having a pleasurable experience.
3. Take it slow – Don’t rush to finish. Sex is not a race, nor is it a competition. Take it slow while enjoying the journey and reaching the destination together.
4. Consent – Don’t go to places that make your partner uncomfortable.
Etiquette after sex
1. Cuddle – Enjoy being on cloud 9, especially if you had a lovely round that made you reach multiple orgasms. If you are tired, it means it was intense. Take time to release the happy hormones by being in each other’s arms.
2. Wipe each other – Have a clean towel nearby, rinse it with warm water, so it feels good on the skin, offer it to your partner and then reciprocate the feeling. This also increases the intimacy in a relationship as it shows that you care about their wellness.
3. Don’t fall asleep immediately afterward – Use this time to bond, compliment each other and talk about general happy thoughts (this is not a time to ask for favours or guilt trip each other).
4. Don’t abruptly leave – after the deed, it is bad manners to dress up and leave like nothing happened.
5. When using a condom – Dispose of the condoms used. Do not tie it and throw it on the side of the bed.
