First dates are hard. They are one of the only times it is socially acceptable to be a little less than honest.
Lies on a first date, job interviews, an attempt to spare feelings . . . these are the primary reasons we, as human beings, tell white lies.
Acceptable white lies on a first date:
It is okay to tell lies on a first date as long as they are temporary—and not too large. Here are a few that are perfectly acceptable to tell your first date—though maybe you should come clean later.
1. Flattery
Sure, flattering someone is not always based on a lie, but then again, sometimes it is. Telling someone that they are the most beautiful person you have ever seen, or laughing too hard at a sub-par joke—these are both examples of acceptable white lies on a first date. Flattery is nice, no matter which form it comes in, and a little flattery (especially on a first date) can go a long way. Laugh out loud and make your date feel great.
2. Family
Families are complicated almost always. Sure, there are some people who come from perfect homes with functional family units, but more often than not, everyone has their baggage. Though it is perfectly normal (and expected) to discuss families on a first date, it is not necessarily ideal to go on and on about your family’s issues.
There is no need to make up an entire lie, but it is okay to breeze past questions like, “Are you close with your mother?” or “What is your relationship like with your grandparents?” If there is anything that is emotional or hard to discuss, you can absolutely wait to talk about it. When you are comfortable with this person, feel free to talk your heart out.
3. Politics
Though we are a very political group of human beings, talkin’ politics on a first date can be a little intense. If your date asks you a really serious political question, it is okay to skirt around it or tell a white lie. “I am not sure how I feel about so-and-so’s foreign policy” is a good way to move past the conversation. If you happen to have a lot of strong political opinions, by all means share them—just remember that you do not have to do so on the first date.
4. Food
“Oh, I love Italian food,” or “yes, white wine is great,” or “I have never been to this restaurant before.” All of those are acceptable lies on a first date. I don’t drink white wine, but if it was ordered for me, or if it was the only option, I would probably be okay sucking it up for one night.
If someone was super-excited to show me a brand new restaurant, I would probably feel okay lying about having checked it out already. No one should spare someone’s feelings for comfort reasons. However on a first date, it is best to all get along. You said yes to the date for a reason, right?
5. Relationships
If things work out for you and your date, you will eventually know everything about one another’s relationships. For now, however, take it easy on the oversharing. There is nothing wrong with telling your date that your last relationship ended amicably—even if it didn’t. There is nothing wrong with telling your date that you don’t go out on dates very often—even if you do.
6. Adventure
“I love a good adventure!” That is something I have actually said on a first date, but you know what? As far as lies on a first date go, in my book, that one is okay! No one wants anyone else to think they are boring. Even if you are like me and you prefer staying in with wine and a movie, it is okay to pretend you like doing spontaneous outdoor activities instead. “Hiking? I hike a couple of times a month!”
7. Books
For whatever reason, society considers people who are “well-read” as being very intelligent. Though that may be true, plenty of people who don’t read books very often can be considered intelligent as well. That being said, if books come up on your first date, no one wants to admit that the last book they read was assigned to them in college. Go ahead and add this one on to your list of lies on a first date as well.
8. Jobs
Some of us are lucky enough to love our jobs. Some of us are lucky enough to have jobs that pay us well that we do not enjoy. Some of us are lucky enough to be employed, even if we do not like working retail, coffee, marketing, or admin positions.
The last thing you want to do on a first date is complain about your job. Skirt past it if you have to—”yeah, my job is great, what do you do?”—but try not to gripe. Venting about your office job is for your coworkers or your best friends, not your first dates.
9. Happiness
We all have periods of time when we are not super-happy with our lives, and that is okay. Between work, dating, friendships, finances, and family, there is a lot going on at any given time. There are periods of time when you are just not that happy, though it is not necessarily the best thing to bring up on a first date. It is perfectly acceptable to be a little more positive than usual on your first date. That lie is not going to hurt anybody’s feelings.
Final thoughts
Some dates just do not go that well. It is a part of dating, after all. So even if you thought the date was not worth pursuing, it is still okay to end it nicely. Though honesty is great, it is okay to give a hug and a comment like, “This has been really fun.” For the final entry on our list of lies on a first date, I like this one the most. Even if your date made every mistake in the book, you can still leave them feeling good about themselves. There is no need to give a full review of how not interested you are right there in the moment. Think on it and if you are still not interested, call it quits. First dates are experimental. It’s all good.
First dates are hard, no matter how many times you have been out on a first date. White lies are necessary to have a truly great time. Introduce honesty as you two continue to grow into a relationship. For now, take it easy.
