9 unspoken rules of a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement



When you’ve got no romantic prospects in sight and you’re not particularly looking for them, sometimes having a friends with benefits situation can come in handy.

Sex on call with none of the baggage of being in an actual relationship? What’s not to love? Nothing, really — unless you forget to follow these 9 unspoken rules:

  1. Never choose a friend you couldn’t stand to lose. Remember the saying, “Don’t eat where you poop”? Never choose someone you have a deep emotional connection with, because you may just lose them after your FWP arrangement ends. You can save yourself from the awkwardness and drama by simply picking the ideal candidate: someone you don’t know all that well but like well enough.
  2. Practice safe sex. This rule is one of the most obvious but one of the most forgotten and overlooked. Being on the pill isn’t an excuse, either. When you’re in a FWB setup, that also means your FWB is free to hook up with anyone else. You don’t want to wake up one day with STD or an unwanted pregnancy, so tell him to use condoms all the time.
  3. Set clear expectations. While people who get into a FWB setup should know the rules, it’s always best to assume they don’t. Make sure you’re clear that all you have going on is a FWB setup, nothing more. This way, no one keeps their hopes up that it’ll turn into a relationship.
  4. Skip the cuddling. Cuddling, even after sex, is for people who are together. It’s not meant for FWB. For this reason, make it a point to leave or make him leave once you’re done doing the dirty. Lingering around or staying the night after the hook-up session may lead to pillow talk. And you know how pillow talk can lead you to develop feelings, which is one thing that should never be involved in a FWB.
  5. No casual texting. Your text messages about each other should only consist of making plans for future hook-up sessions — no asking of how he is and what he’s doing, or vice versa. Good night or good morning text messages are absolutely forbidden.
  6. Never introduce your FWB to people you love. Your friends and family need not know about your casual intercourse with Dan. If ever they come across him in public, then a simple, “This is Chuck!” is enough. If possible, make your setup a secret. If ever ever wants to introduce you to his family and friends, it’s time to say goodbye.
  7. No public outings. And that includes meeting each other for coffee, brunch, or movies. Dinner dates are a big no-no, too. The only time you should meet is to hook up. Period.
  8. Avoid getting to know each other. No, you don’t need to know about his favorite food or the sports he’s into. All you need to know is how you can satisfy his sexual needs and that’s all he needs to know about you, too.
  9. Never allow your emotions to take over. You’ll know you’re catching feelings the moment you see yourself thinking about him and missing him. When this happens, remember that FWB and feelings don’t mix well. You don’t want a meltdown. More importantly, you don’t your heart to get shattered to pieces. Leave before it’s too late.

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