Should a man give more importance to his parents or his wife?

For a marriage to be successful, love alone is not enough.

It requires a lot of hard work and a little bit of compromise from both the spouses, including their families because marriage is not just about two individuals.

While a newly married woman is expected to adjust to the ways of a new family, the role of the husband appears quite unchallenging as compared to her.

But not everyone would speak about the most difficult choice he has to ever make—whether to give more importance to his parents or his wife.

Although this might seem very trivial but a lot of couples undergo a tumultuous time because of this.

Mostly, love is the bone of contention here. A mother or a father loves their son unconditionally and similarly, a wife does the same to her husband. While their intentions are same—to keep the person they love happy—their ways of achieving that may be different. There will obviously be clash of interest, which might lead to a sense of insecurity. For a mother, the fear of losing her son to the new woman will always be there. For a wife, there will always be a pressure to prove herself better than her mother-in-law. Under such circumstances, there might arise a situation where the man might have to take a side or play the role of a mediator.

This is not an uncommon situation. When the warring parties include his wife and parents, a man can either take one side and ignore the other, or can maintain neutrality—while the latter is an easier option but sometimes it’s important to take sides when you know the right from the wrong. But before doing so, both the parties should be made aware of the reason behind your decision.

It’s natural to believe that parents are always right. Remember, they are humans too and ‘to err is human’. It is difficult to acknowledge your parents’ mistakes but should you just ignore their drawbacks and let your marriage bear the brunt? You need not necessarily point out their mistakes in front of your wife but make sure that they are aware of their shortcomings.

In an attempt to be a perfect husband, do not make it a habit to solve your wife’s problems. Make her understand that besides being a wife, she is also a daughter-in-law and she should learn to sort out whatever difference she has with her in-laws without your help. Didn’t she ever fight with her parents? Did she take a third person’s help to sort out her problems with her folks then? Let her brood over this and arrive at a conclusion herself.

When the situation between the wife and her in-laws grow worse, the man should make both the parties understand that they are a family now and should concentrate on finding a solution instead of letting the differences grow out of proportion. A lot depends on how you handle the situation and how good you are at playing a mediator. Remember, the key here is to strike the right balance and walk the thin line between being a son and a husband.

When all your diplomatic gestures fail and the situation demands that you should take a side, you need to choose very wisely. Learn to differentiate the right from the wrong and have the courage to call a spade a spade. No matter whichever side you take, make the other party understand the reason behind your decision. And encourage your wife and your parents to practise the policy of ‘forgive and forget’.

After getting married, spouses continually need each other—be it for emotional support or otherwise. But that does not mean, your parents need you less. You should ensure that while being a good husband, you do not end up neglecting your duties as a son and vice versa. Remember, a lot depends on how you manage the role of a son and a husband.