There is a lot that can be said about love – including how we desire to express it and receive it.
The concept of 5 love languages was created by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., a marriage counselor known for his best-selling book ‘The 5 Love Languages’.
According to Dr. Chapman’s theory, we all express and experience love in the same five ways. Further, each individual has one specific love language that matters most to them.
It’s not enough to love your kids, says Dr. Chapman, who years later co-wrote ‘The 5 Love Languages of Children’. “You have to know how to communicate love to a child so that he genuinely feels loved,” quoted Parents.
1. Physical touch
If your child hovers around you, follows you wherever you go, likes patting your head, holding your hand and most clearly, loves hugs and kisses, then these are all signs that your child’s love language could be ‘touch’.
Give them a kiss in the morning, cuddle with them to watch a movie and ask them if they want to put their head in your lap.
2. Receiving and giving gifts
If your child is very peculiar about the gifts they receive – how are they wrapped, was there a handwritten note, is a generic or personalized gift – then this could be their love language.
It is less about the material per se, and more about the gesture and the effort that went into buying or making a gift for them. The gifts need not be grand, but the act is important to show your love for them. It is also important to cherish and protect the gifts they give you, even if it is a poor sketch or something crafted from glue and glitters.
3. Words of affirmation
If your child focuses on your praises for them – directly to them or indirectly in front of others – then words matter to them a lot. Tell them you ‘love’ them everyday and appreciate them when they express their love for you. Saying words of affirmation regularly does not mean you sugarcoat things or let go of criticism when needed. However, it is just a way of appreciating and loving your child.
4. Acts of service
Some kids love when their parents do a task for them. They will appreciate it when you cook for them or help them rearrange their bookshelf. When you help them pick out a dress for a party or record their favorite show for them. It is the gesture of care and service that they count on. To ensure this doesn’t mean that you end up doing work for them, make sure the act of service works both ways and the child also does tasks to help you out.
The best act of service you can provide is walking your child through a new process and teaching them, step-by-step, how to be more capable, says Dr. Chapman.
5. Quality time
If your child asks you to play with them or watch TV with them, then their love language is probably spending time together. Spending time does not mean being present around them as you read your book or scroll through your phone. Give your child your undivided attention while you do things together or having a conversation.
