We all find ourselves at a point in which we talk to someone and have the feeling that they are just not actually listening.
Or maybe we’ve seen that a relationship just starts to fade away, and we have no idea why. Sometimes it’s not so much about what we do, but how we do it, that can lead others to disinterest.
From lack of attention to emotional walls or constant negativity, these traits can create space between you and others.
Let’s take a closer look at 7 red flags, backed by psychology, that can unintentionally push people away – and how being aware of them can help strengthen your connections.
1. Being inattentive or distracted
When someone is not attentive while talking, then it can make one feel they are not of value. A constant distraction while checking their phone or zoning out causes distance. Building a connection would be tough when the other person is not really there mentally. People like the fact that you give them all your attention as it shows that you care about them and value them.
2. Being emotionally unavailable
If one individual keeps his feelings hidden or cannot talk about emotions, it creates disconnection for the other person. Emotional openness gives closeness and trust; the opposite makes a relationship shallow and not worth talking about. This is not an issue of oversharing but the willingness to open up when it matters; otherwise, it might just become a friendship bond.
3. Excessive jealousy
A little bit of jealousy can be natural, but when it is extreme, it becomes too controlling. Continuous questioning of the whereabouts of one’s partner and who they spend time with becomes suffocating. Healthy jealousy is a reflection of care; however, an excess of jealousy is a symptom of insecurity and distrust. Any relationship needs the foundation of trust; without that, things crumble.
4. Constant negativity
When the person always expects the worst or makes everything into a negative situation, it drains to be around them. Nothing ever feels good enough. There’s positivity to being positive, even during hard times, bringing them closer, not pushing people away, and making challenges more manageable. People prefer people who make them better, not worse.
4. Poor conversation skills
It might seem that a person doesn’t care if he or she fails to continue the conversation or doesn’t ask any questions. A meaningful conversation is necessary to build a relationship and understand each other better. It is very hard to make a real emotional connection without being able to communicate and share ideas. Good communication makes the other person feel valued and seen.
5. Lack of ambition
A person who is not ambitious can be really uninteresting to be around since he or she might appear not to have any direction in life. People tend to be interested in people with ambitions and those who are striving for something personal or professional. It makes the relationship feel stale as if nothing is growing between them. It is exciting to share a purpose with someone and gives energy to the connection.
6. Using ultimatums
Ultimatums are forcing someone’s hand, and in itself, it sounds kind of manipulative. There’s no scope for healthy discussion and compromise when issues are put into an ultimatum. People generally feel resentment toward ultimatums instead of feeling empowered to make choices on their own. A relationship, in all strength, should not be made out of a way to create pressure to get something you want but to solve things together as a team.
