One of the most common reasons for the downfall of a relationship is one partner’s need to control the other. To many, controlling behavior isn’t something they try to indulge in, it’s just who they are.
We like to have some control of our lives, and at times, this obsession to control the circumstances in our lives end up turning us into control freaks.
Controlling behavior in a relationship doesn’t just show up all of a sudden. It takes time for one partner to start taking the other partner for granted, or control them.
And at the same time, your partner can never control you unless you give them that control voluntarily. So if you’re living with a partner who exhibits controlling behavior, you have yourself to blame too.
If you’re dating or married to someone who constantly tries to control you, or if you feel like nothing you do ever pleases them, perhaps you’re really stuck with a partner who has serious issues with their controlling behavior.
Use these 5 steps to slowly change them, and become a better person yourself at the same time:
1. Reason with your partner
When you partner tells you not to do something, don’t just accept it. Instead, calmly ask your partner for an explanation. By reasoning with your partner, you can understand your partner better. And at the same time, if their reason’s pretty lame, you can take a stand and explain your reasons too.
2. Don’t fight back
Stay calm no matter what. Your partner may try to control you, but that happens only if you give them the opportunity. When you’re reasoning with your partner, don’t yell or get angry. Calmly voice your opinion and as long as you know you’re right, you’ll be able to get the message across.
Your partner may get more annoyed and angry when they’re cornered without any good reasons. And if you get angry, it’s a great excuse for your partner to end the conversation in a huff and walk out.
3. Don’t be hasty
You can’t change your partner overnight. Their behavior may have taken years to develop and overpower them. Use these tips one step at a time and let your partner see your side of the story along every step of the way.
4. Avoid doing favors all the time
One of the easiest ways to start controlling a partner is by asking them for small favors that are never returned. If you get annoyed easily when your lazy partner constantly asks you for favors, avoid being in the same room if you know there’s a request coming very soon.
If he’s forgotten his shoes in the closet and you know he’s going to ask you to get it for him, step out of the room for a few minutes so he can get it himself instead of controlling you to get it for him.
5. Remind him of similar situations
Don’t let your partner control you, and don’t end up behaving like a slave. Favors are mutual and should never be one sided. If you do something for your lover, and they don’t reciprocate by doing the same for you, they’re controlling you.
Talk about your partner’s behavior with them in a calm manner when both of you are sitting together. If your partner expects you to do something for them, they should be prepared to do the same for you. In a relationship, both partners have an equal say, and earning more money doesn’t give one partner more control or say in a relationship.
