Breakups are the worst. If you’ve ever ended a serious relationship, you’d know that saying goodbye to a huge part of your life can be very difficult.
Even after the dust settles, there could be a sort of awkwardness between the pair of you. But that shouldn’t be.
Despite the circumstances that led to the breakup, you both must have been best mates, so why shouldn’t you reach out?
As long as neither of you is toxic to each other, there will always be grounds to foster a friendship. And this article will help ease the process.
1. Have some time apart
You definitely need some time to heal, and I don’t only mean not trying to spark a new relationship, but staying clear of your ex. Think of it as mourning your broken relationship. Stay away from him/her on phone, text, social media for at least three months. Instead, focus on your hobbies, career, anything that makes you feel happy.
Once you feel you’re truly done with the person as a partner, and intend to just stay friends rather than act toxic by not talking to him/her, but you’re not sure if you’re ready, ask yourself ‘How would I feel if I saw my ex with someone new?’ If you feel a twinge in your chest, then you know you’re not.
2. Clarify your motives
Even before you ask yourself whether you’re ready, you need to convince yourself of what you want with that person going forward. I’ve seen a lot of new relationships end when one partner sees their ex they concluded they had become friends with. Ask yourself why you would want to maintain the friendship, whether it’s healthy for you, or you just simply want closure or emotional support from them.
3. Get in touch with your ex
So you’ve decided you want to keep all toxicity in your life out and become friends with him. You’ve asked yourself if you’re ready, and the answer always came back positive. The next step is to reach out to them. Tell them how you feel, and that you want to stay friends with them.
Now, have in mind that they too may have just gone through the phases you did, and may not be entirely done and ready to reach out to you. They could welcome or reject you.
4. Don’t fall back into old patterns
Now that you’ve both decided to remain friends, you have to realize that it’s a friendship, not a relationship. Just because it’s the same person you used to call everyday, and chat with late into the night doesn’t mean you’ll do that again. Limit communication. All the things couples do, the places they go, the settings they find themselves in, avoid them. Once you begin to doubt your break up, recognize it as a red flag. In short, you have to keep boundaries by laying down rules and forcefully following them.
